Do you remember Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield of Sweet Valley High, i.e. the Jekyll & Hyde of the paperback series generation? Jessica was a dazzling and ruthless b*tch who could mesmerize any man with one impeccably-calculated stare. Her twin sister, Elizabeth, was a mind-numbingly boring model citizen who scared off men with her prudishness (all with the exception of one basic vanilla boyfriend named Todd). They looked the same, but they were polar opposites.

I have come to the conclusion that Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield are the Summer and Winter Me.

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Foreword: In case you aren’t blessed by the Raya Gods, similar rules apply to Bumble. And Hinge. And JDate. And Christian Mingle. And even the Sears of dating that is Tinder.

This past Christmas, I got my very own miracle. I got accepted to Raya, the Mecca of online dating apps, where regular folks are granted the right to mingle with (Instagram-slash-D-list) celebrities via a (highly-exclusive-slash-ambiguous) selection criteria.

For the two months that I remained in Waiting List limbo, I consoled myself with the delusion that this mass hit of a blog was preventing me from being instantly accepted. Yeah, right. As it turned out, the delay had nothing to do with my potential threat to the Raya codes of discretion, but, rather, on my low ranking on their looks + cool factor algorithm.. Because, the minute they ran out of models, they accepted me! The Promise Land of all dating apps finally parted its magic gates!

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Everybody has their area of expertise. While my friends work their way towards becoming functional members of society, real career paths included, I continue accumulating experience in douchebag analysis, tallying up those 10,000 hours to become an expert. As a result, I have garnered a rather keen understanding of the nature of the Dbag game, equipped with its own repugnant code of conduct!

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I have always had a conflicted perspective on Halloween. On one hand, it may be one of the dumbest man-made holidays, venturing into the fundamentally tacky with its parade of slutty cops and nurses  and any other blue-collar career presented in baby prostitute form. On the other hand, it’s a great excuse for adults to spark up their social – and romantic – lives right in time for cuffing season! In case you don’t have it in you to line up at Ricky’s for two hours for your packaged plastic gear, here are some brilliantly easy, thought-provoking, pickup game-bolstering outfits you can concoct in the comfort of your closet!

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In random information that nobody knows, today is Evaluate Your Life day, i.e. an entire day designated to doing what I do on a bad hangover: start off positive (still drunk), get hit hard over the head with a reality check (visual here), get depressed and question my existence, make a list of all the shit that needs to change. Since I am positively under-qualified to tackle life evaluation missions here, I have decided to put a little Dbag Dating twist and collectively evaluate our Love Lives instead!

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The Paris runways can be a trippy journey, filled with sartorial mysteries that await to be metamorphosed into wearable basics, by the likes of Zara, a few month later. But have no fear, Dbag Dating is here! To mark the end of Paris Fashion Week, we decipher a selection of date looks, hand-picked for your romantic escapades come Spring!

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