5 Steps to Evaluate Your Love Life

In random information that nobody knows, today is Evaluate Your Life day, i.e. an entire day designated to doing what I do on a bad hangover: start off positive (still drunk), get hit hard over the head with a reality check (visual here), get depressed and question my existence, make a list of all the shit that needs to change. Since I am positively under-qualified to tackle life evaluation missions here, I have decided to put a little Dbag Dating twist and collectively evaluate our Love Lives instead!

1. Have you ever been in love? Ta da da dum…The ultimate SATC Pilot question, the one Big tackles Carrie with from the window of his limo (can you believe that millennial douche rode around in a limo?) is a good place to start, because life without love is not worth living et all that. If you have been blessed this stroke of luck, skip right along to #2. If not, figure out what the hell the mental block of yours is and GET ON IT. What if the world ends tomorrow? I know you’re focused on more important media here, but the real world headlines aren’t looking that good!

2. Where were you in your love life at this time last year, compared to where you are now? A year is a pretty fair stretch of time that could be spent existing or could be spent living (and, by the way, could also be spent procreating!) What did you do this past year? Reflecting on this could put some things into perspective. (Insert yogi “OMMM” here.)

3. Who are the last 5 people you dated? Apparently, you are the average of the 5 people you spend most time with. Unless you are the Queen of Tinder or presiding over a brothel, I doubt you are dating 5 guys simultaneously, so think back to the last 5 people you dated instead.

My personal list reads as follows:

Hipster disaster x 3
Great human (but crazy)
Nothing special

Not sure how to average this out. Smarter people, hola!

4. Is there a pattern in your relationships? (“Hipster disasters” being a viable example.) Are you a chronicle cheater? Do you feel like you get taken advantage of? Do you attract the exact same type of morons? Einstein once wisely informed the world that repeating the same stupid pattern over and over and expecting different results is the pure definition of insanity. Find your pattern and see if your mature self can kick it to the curb!

5. Do you know what you want? Apparently, half the trick is actually knowing what you want, which is easier said than done. Personally, I think I want to start dating people who benefit me on a cerebral level, whom I admire and who have similar values to me. (I think this is called “growing up”.) Hence, I might stop wasting my time with people I know are a lost cause, as enticing as they are “for the story”. Bad for the blog, good for the soul!

And now, your turn!