The Paris runways can be a trippy journey, filled with sartorial mysteries that await to be metamorphosed into wearable basics, by the likes of Zara, a few month later. But have no fear, Dbag Dating is here! To mark the end of Paris Fashion Week, we decipher a selection of date looks, hand-picked for your romantic escapades come Spring!
What: Dries van Noten feathah dress.
Why: Because who doesn’t dream of being a bird, particularly a fancy Dries bird?
Wear it on a date with: A bohemian dude with an Ibiza pad and a lot of colorful woven bracelets. Preferably to an ayahuasca ceremony. Suggested chant: “If I’m a Dries bird, you’re a Dries bird!”
What: Anthony Vaccarello trippy top.
Why: Because this shirt takes time to process. And comprehend. And digest. And because it’s simultaneously slutty and bizarre (just like me!)
Wear it on a date with: Don’t fool yourself, that thing is coming off at the end of the night. Hence, wear with somebody you actually want to succumb to said logistical challenge.
What: Stella McCartney polo gear.
Why: Because in every woman’s life, there comes a time when she attempts to date a WASP.
Wear it on a date with: The WASP’s family, to a Bridgehampton polo match, where you have to slip lipium in your Veuve just to survive the day.
What: Esteban Cortazar cropped turtleneck.
Why: Because, Christ woman, if you spend as much time working out as this girl, you’re allowed to walk the street dans le nu. Except for it might get chilly, in which case you will need a turtleneck.
Wear it on a date with: Rambo? Somebody from Jenny’s old block? Ben Affleck, perhaps, now that he’s single? Your choice.
What: JC Obano bohemian rhapsody.
Why: Did you know that, according to Chinese legend, a red cord is mean to connect those who are destined to meet? Neither did I, but I’m into it. Also, because you look like a delectable gift just itching to be unraveled.
Wear it on a date with: A potential soulmate, just in case.
What: Balenciaga nightie.
Why: Because somewhere out there, there’s a good man yearning for some Jane Austen charm.
Wear it on a date with: George Knightley (i.e. Emma’s boyfriend) or his modern-day equivalent – your kind, divorced family friend with an extensive book collection.
What: Saint Laurent streetwalker gear.
Why: Because you will be doing two good deeds at once: freeing the nipple and frightening the passerby!
Wear it on a date with: Your resident crack dealer. Or a Bushwick hipster who is starting to get too cool for Bushwick. Your choice!
What: Céline nightie.
Why: Because every woman deserves to roll out of bed in a Céline peignoir.
Wear it on a date with: Yourself. Nobody’s good enough for this stuff.
What: Rick Owens + your best friend
Why: Because you get moral support and he gets two for the price of one!
Wear it on a date with: A trapeze artist? A budding polygamist?
Hilarious post!! Couldn’t agree more!! Only Valentino and Dolce & Gabbana presented something beautiful this year !!