A Walk (of Shame) to Remember

Misery Loves Company · by Marina Khorosh

O come all ye singles, for it’s the most debaucherous time of the year! In the midst of the Siberia of fun that is Cuffing Season hides a fun-soaked Holiday Party oasis, a sliver of time to dunk your brain in complementary Veuve Cliquot and allow the Gods of Promiscuity to guide you towards Great Mistakes. No, I am not advocating promiscuity – I’m a ROLE MODEL, after all. (To my dog Chloe, at least.) I’m just stating the obvious fact that the holidays season has strong potential for excellent misadventures which, in turn, often result in outstanding Walks of Shame.

Often disregarded merely as an aftermath of a Great Mistake, the Walk of Shame is actually a delicate art form. If honed with care, it eventually allows you to shed all traces of embarrassment and own your 8am cat eye makeup and heels like you’re Adriana Lima and the world is your VS runway. Since it is my strong belief that no Walk of Shame is created equal, I have decided to compile some of my most notable morning after memories, along with those of my friends, for some imperative holiday inspiration.

I would also like to officially dedicate this post to Uber, committed to rescuing countless desperate women since 2009.

The French Girl’s Guide to Online Dating

DD x Vogue · by Marina Khorosh

“I give up,” proclaims a girlfriend, flinging her cherished iPhone 7 on the table as though it were an explosive device. Given the rate at which it is spewing out a stream of notifications, stemming from none other than five dating apps (full disclosure—she has a separate folder), it certainly seems like a threat to one’s sanity at the very least.

Over the past year, online dating fatigue has become a justifiable phenomenon that is forcing more single people to adopt a blasé approach or even abandon it altogether. In addition to the stupefying abundance of options, there is the deteriorating quality of interactions and consequent dates. In the off chance that you manage to break the virtual barrier and coordinate a physical rendezvous, there is a high likelihood the person will have mentally checked out by the second cocktail, eager to swipe on to the next B-list bikini model. With dating apps as our metaphorical free pass, we appear to be zipping through this dystopian carnival of love with our trademark extremism, only to be confronted by an ardent sense of nausea at the end of each ride.

An Ode To My Twenties

Musings of the Mind · by Marina Khorosh

A parting letter to my roaring twenties, conceived on the eve of my 30th birthday (with a glass of tequila in tow).

Oh my twenties

You were a glorious ride

A flash of YOLO moments

And denim shorts that exposed my behind

Of nights that started in a sober air

And ended up with man-tousled hair

Single? Here Are 7 Reasons to be Grateful this Thanksgiving

Those Who Can't Do, Teach · by Marina Khorosh

Chances are that your decision to click on the title of this post was accompanied by a skeptical scoff. “There she goes again.. What nonsense could she have possibly conjured this time?” you may have thought. After all, as we approach the slippery single zone of cuffing season, it is all too easy to get distracted by daydreams of fireplace cuddles and tandem figure skating sessions, inadvertently pushing yourself into a sad hole of self-pity, or a desperate Bumble binge. As we recently learned the hard way, human beings have a terrible tendency to under-appreciate the now and to make rash decisions in hope of a better future, leading to catastrophic missteps à la nominations of orangutans as presidents. (Slightly off-topic. I just had to say it.) On this day of commercially-induced gratitude, I urge you take a moment to be thankful for the now, wherever you are in your life, because there is always a chance that it could all be way worse. If you happen to be single, I will also be supplying you with reasons.

The Russian Experiment

Those Who Can't Do, Teach, Typecasting · by Marina Khorosh

A few weeks ago, a reader requested that I write a post on the dos and don’ts of dating Russian men. A reader’s wishes is normally my command, and yet this particular one presented a bit of a dilemma. Albeit having spent the initial sixteen years of my life on Russian turf, I have probably dated a total of 1.5 Russian guys in my post-high school life. This is in no way an act of rebellion – trust me, there is nothing I would love more than to bring home a man who would be able to deliberate the (grim) future of Putin’s reign at a Khorosh family dinner. No, it is simply that Russian guys and myself rarely cross paths, for most of them prefer adult restaurants in favor of hipster joints and stay as far from my beloved Nolita as possible. And so, I decided to ask for a little bit of help from my friends.

Would I Date a Republican? Yes. But I Would Never Date a Trump Supporter

Misery Loves Company, Musings of the Mind · by Jordan Nadler

Jordan Nadler attempts to find an answer to a question that may no longer be relevant in today’s election. For more no-nonsense insights, follow Jordan on Twitter.

“Would you ever date a Republican?” I was recently asked. It struck me as a funny question. The way the person said “Republican” sounded like she had just asked me if I would ever bear-hug a cactus.

This election has seemingly turned Republicans and Democrats into warring clans. It’s like we’re the Jets and the Sharks (obviously the Democrats are the Sharks) except this Godforsaken election has rendered all of us too exhausted to sing. The words “Republican” and “Liberal” have become synonymous with every other negative word in the English language. We have never been more divided, but it’s not politics that we are divided on. This election has so little to do with political theory and so much to do with who we are as people.