A couple of nights ago, I was sitting in a restaurant with a mélange of expats and some poor Frenchies who had the misfortune of winding up in my presence. With three functioning brain cells left to rub together after days of holiday boozing, I took a receipt and started mapping out a list of reasons why the spawn of Rimbaud and Baudelaire don’t seem to be doing it for me in the romantic sense.
While the original version of this document is now lost, I believe that it went somewhat like this.
1. French men are too skinny and effeminate. Yes, we have had multiple rants on this topic, and, yes, this still remains a problem.
2. French men are cheap. While my friend correctly pointed out that I have a way of sourcing out the biggest losers, I will not be the first to notice that there is a serious deficit of chivalry in this country. After a year of living in France, my standards have plummeted to the point where I am shocked if a man offers to buy me a drink or gives up his seat in the metro for me. Can we please all agree that this is sad? Thank you.
3. THEY COMPLAIN and bitch and complain and bitch and complain and bitch and complain about EVERYTHING. If French people stopped being so damn lazy and invested half of the time they spend complaining into actually doing something, magical things would happen. Cancer would be cured, the French economy would stop progressively going down the drain, unicorns would fly and procreate.
4. French men cheat. At this point, my companions proudly nodded in agreement.
5. They are smelly and smoke more than Don Draper. Once again, this was attributed to my talent for “finding losers that embody every French cliché”. However, I will argue in my defense and reinstate that hygiene in this country is suffering. I have two Latin American girlfriends currently in relationships with French men. Both claim that they have to regularly conduct little Hygiene 101 pep talks with their significant others, in which they explain that showing is a daily activity and that sheets occasionally need washing.
(My hubby-in-law is an exception, apparently his nether regions smell like daffodils.)
I stopped there. A cute floppy-haired French boy was looking at me with big blue eyes and I could not continue scarring him with my jaded judgments. After all, I moved to this country – clearly, there must be something I enjoy. After much pondering, I managed to put together a list of things I appreciate about French men.
1. They have good taste. While I am occasionally thrown off by their penchant for elaborately draped skinny scarves, I must admit that the French have an unbeatable natural elegance about them. They know their qualité and their savoir-faire and their détails and all the other nuances that the rest of the world tends to overlook. A French man does not need to be taught how to dress or set the table or pick out a bottle of wine. He has an inbred knowledge of such topics, and you are probably better off letting him make these decisions.
2. French men are cultured. Education and cultural growth are highly valued in France, hence people actually continue reading classical literature after high school. French men are well-rounded and as au curant about world affairs as they are about Beyonce’s latests pop-up album. True, they may find the latter vulgaire, but at least they are aware of events outside of the realms of their own little universe.
4. They love a good conversation. In fact, they have practically turned it into a national sport – what else do you think they are doing in those brasseries while sucking on their cigs? Be ready to partake in long, ponderous discussions about the disheartening state of modern society. Be ready to express eloquent, interesting opinions (preferably in French). Be ready to actually work your brain, which is quite a refreshing change from the pompous self-marketing format of conventional dating.
4. They love a good conversation. In fact, they have practically turned it into a national sport – what else do you think they are doing in those brasseries while sucking on their cigs? Be ready to partake in long, ponderous discussions about the disheartening state of modern society. Be ready to express eloquent, interesting opinions (preferably in French). Be ready to actually work your brain, which is quite a refreshing change from the pompous self-marketing format of conventional dating.
4. They make time for you. The French are so obsessed with their right for free time and happiness that you will actually get to enjoy full evenings and weekends with your significant other. Not to mention August – the dude is yours for the whole month!
5. They are pretty good in bed. And while they are trying to get you into bed, they are also quite romantic.
Now that we have 5, lets call it even. Like men of any nationality, these guys come with their quirks and perks and downfalls. In the case of French men, these qualities are simply more pungent, just like their cheese and their truffles and their armpits. So, if you happen to have a passion for fine brie, with its rich texture and moldy crust and volatile explosion of flavors, go for it. Just make sure that you have a really strong stomach first.
UPDATE: A response post to this article is available here!
Thanks for the disclaimer. Well deserved in other categories by the by… (oops complaining again!;)
I’ve lived here for 4 years and met different men. Many are stinky, especially from mouth, they don’t brush teeth at all i think. For me french man-good lover is a myth. They think they are great in bed. Not for me. I’d better jump to a “lazy” brit than “skillful” french guy, they try a lot but not able to be on the top.
I dated a French guy when I was in college, and this dude asked me to pay for the damn hotel room while I didn’t even pay income tax by then…and a few days later this dude flew to Hong Kong in first class…
French men are SO CHEAP. I have been scarred by good looking French men who are REALLY VERY CHEAP. It’s such a turn off.
Hahha you are SO RIGHT.
I so agree . Went out with 2 different French , could even buy me a drink on an official date. Total turn off . !!!
Hahahaa the very well educated French man, from a good family, with a great job ( engineer ) and very high income ( these are all his words about himself ) who I was dating in Paris, made me pay for both of us because ” I forgot my wallet at home “…ahahahaha so sad, so sad, so pathetic.
I’m dating a french guy and i’ve noticed some bad habit that i don’t know if this is peculiar to him alone or it is the attitude of french men… He is not a good communicator, we hardly discusses our relationship, usually i don’t know when i offend him because he will never tell you, you just see him reacting terribly. He doesn’t know how to say sorry when he is wrong but you’ll notice he’s regretting his action through his body language but to say sorry, is very difficult. However, the good thing about him is that he sets special time for me to explore the world. Always a wonderful holiday.
I’m dating a french man
I pay for my own food, i pay for my own transpo.
He paid for one movie night though but i paid for the snack which was more expensive…
he was lazy as fuck, He has some issue with hygiene and he’s super short tempered. IDK but we’re still dating… Oh and he has numerous woman other than me .. great right? Not what you’d expect from #RelationshipGoals
quick tip: DITCH THAT LOSER!! seriously, get out while you can, before he engulfs you in his stinginess and misery. RUN!!!!
Eva
I have no idea why are you still dating with such person. as a woman, I would advice you to leave him! trust me, there are thousands of men who will be only yours and be gentle and caring. come on, dont waste your time! please!
Hi, I just had to add my comment because I want to talk about some of my experiences. The French being stinky is definitely a true statement, yet my guy is only stinky because he was traveling or working all day, he showers daily. Also he actually quit smoking for me because he loves me so much and I would not SETTLE to be with a smoker. So he quit. He didn’t believe in God or the Spirit when we first got together but now he is reading the Bible in french and really trying to grow his faith and on his own declared his desire to publicly say he believes in God because now he does! We constantly talk about anything we need to and we actually got engaged American style where he got me a small diamond and got on one knee. We talk about our future American/French children and how we are going to raise them…He is exactly opposite of everything you described, he doesn’t care about style or clothes and also doesn’t even like looking at other women or photos I have taken of other women because he wants to be true to me. He never liked porn and never understood it. I know my situation may be rare but I fell in love with a French man and he is everything I ever wanted in a partner. He wasn’t from a big city like Paris though so maybe that is why. The cheap thing I can understand because my guy is in college but honestly he buys me so many silver and nice little gifts and spends money driving me from A to B that I can’t imagine asking for more. And his mom is the most amazing cook in the world and he will often do the dishes and cook for me without being asked. And the lover thing I don’t understand, my man is amazing in bed and knows how to lick and worship every inch of me, I only had to ask and communicate.And he talks with me on skype for an hour or so much longer than most american men would. He is slightly feminine and skinny but super masculine in his mind and actions so I find his feminine side to be wonderful and sexy, not bad. Why are you guys experiencing such a difference? Is it your outlook or did I find the diamond in the rough?
I also don’t settle for anything less than I am and let him choose to clean up his act to be with me. He is now more than I could have ever wanted!
Does he have an older brother?
That shit is dumb luck! Pot luck! Don’t let that go!
Jaimerais bien avoir un Frenchman…im
Any one can help…i lives in florida.
Jaimerais bien avoir un Frenchman…im thirsty for one any Frenchman lives in florida? Email me..allez bisous..je t attends
hey my name is Axel , i’m french guy , if you still looking for french guy let me know axel.janicki@gmail.com 🙂
I’ve been dating so many french men i really cannot relate to your statements or to the comments…
I was curious about the whole “french people stink” cliché, which probably comes from middle-age (when everyone was smelly actually, even us the Brits who made it up^^), and well, I had to realize that… nope. They don’t smell, they do shower everyday and wax (because french girl wax and have smooth skin, they don’t shave like many UK/US girls), they put deodorant on their armpits and sometimes some perfume as well.
I really wonder how you ended up with loosers like these (that exist in every country in the world tbh), put well, you can always change 😉
French men cheat, that’s so funny because this is not a behaviour related to a country or a specific gender, this is just a behaviour. Maybe they tend to be less hypocrit than in the US, and accept it from their president or celebrities, but hey, don’t be so bittered 😉
Concerning the cheap part, i must say i don’t know, because i’ve been invited many times and i invited back.
I think it’s more of a cultural thing: the whole “going on a date” concept doesn’t exist in France, they do have cafés and drinks together and spend time/doing activities together before being in a relationship, but they don’t have all the formality of “dates”.
And if we women want equality and to be treated as egal as the men… maybe we should spot having these old-fashioned ideas that the guy has to take care about everything financially on the so-called “date”, or in life in general 😉
French men are cold to the bone, they are quite heartless and get over a long term relationship in minutes. They really have very less emotions and in France its all about sex and fitting into their rigid useless and meaningless society. After the french revolution a very strong mentality formed in France which is the worst form of collective individualism I have seen anywhere in the world..they come together for activities but are all alone and friendless people. Friendship in France is very different than it is in UK or Germany. French men are also mean and very racist, they would sleep with all colours but marry only a white or a submissive Chinese if they are desperate and can’t find a white woman. Even in marriage they are very individualistic and cold. I think French men are the worst people I’ve dated in the world , they are extremely charming when they want the first sex and gradually they get bored and lose interest…rarely a French can stay faithful and go on through life with the same partner. Cheating is another huge part of french culture and they see nothing wrong in it. Once you date a few French guys you realise they are all the same selfish, cold, unfaithful, mean, cheap and crazy people. French have a lot of attitude from the past and as their country is getting worse economically they are getting nastier and nastier.
Damn dude what kind of guy were you dating? This is simply not true for all French men. Im going to marry one after 5 years together, totally monogamous relationship although we have talked about doing a threesome and decided we don’t want to include others in our sex life ( he decided this). The kindest, sweetest, smartest man ever. Family guy, the most open minded individual I’ve met and amazing lover. I’ve dated all kinds of nationaloties and races and the French have been the most interesting out of the bunch. My guy showers twice a day if he has to, smells delicious always and is clean and organized. It all depends on the person… you can’t generalize. The only thing with French guys or just guys in general is that they don’t know how to talk about feelings. It’s been hard but we’re in it together and we’re fine. I love him and I can’t imagine anyone else! Here is an American girl happy with a frenchie ❤️❤️
Hey, I am dating a Frenchman as well! They can be perfectly wonderful but also perfect nightmares – it all depends on the individuals. So happy you found a good one!
I soooo agree with you all.The first thing i noticed was
the massive sexual desire they have all the time which completely goes away at some point. They are also very cold hearted and don’t care about women at all. Of course, there are great french guys but very few.
My first ever one night stand was overseas (Florence, Italy) with a French guy. Maybe the whole “French lover” thing is a stupid and cliché stereotype, but it totally happened. To this day I’m still surprised at how this man, whose name I forgot, was sort of a gentleman? I mean, I was drunk, he was drunk, so you can imagine how clumsy it probably was. I’ve encountered men who would just stick “it” in without even trying to arouse me. After walking half an hour back to my place from the club and peeing on the streets (I absolutely needed to, and no, he did not witness this), I didn’t expect he would want to go down on me. He also switched positions many times which was great (this was on a sofa, 5 o’clock in the morning) To be honest, the sex itself wasn’t that good. I was drunk (and I always forget how bad drunken sex is), but I really liked his enthusiasm. Plus he told me how sexy I was in French, which was a huge plus.
Thank you for the article and comments! Helps me to understand better some things.
I married a Frenchman and it was the biggest error of my life. He gets angry for any little thing, yells and raises his voice (not caring if it’s in public even when I’ve told him not to shout in public, we can go somewhere private), treats me like a child and talks over me when I am explaining things to others. Right now I am on sick leave due to work depression (don’t even get me started on how French work culture is different than American work culture ) and all I hear every time I have to talk to him is about how me not working is putting a dent on our finances!! No regard for me to get better and to take as long as I need to. No he needs me to make money.
I have been married for 4 years. He is cruel, manipulative, never apologizes and demanding. We have no sex life either. No more French men for me. When I find a way to leave this hellhole country, I will never again marry another French man.
Lina,
I’m so sorry. It seems like you’re suffering a lot and I really feel for you. It’s not right that your husband is expecting you to work and be so cheap about things when you’re depressed.
Marriage is primary about partnership and being a team so you shouldn’t feel bad that sex is gone because sex does go away, like Marina said, one person isn’t supposed to satiate all your needs.
The worst thing is being in between and not knowing whether you should stay or go. People CAN change but it takes a lot (and I mean like years) of time.
I don’t know if your marriage can survive but being committed to either a) saving it or b) saving yourself is better than being indecisive. I’m not saying you should do a or b, just that everyone goes through hell in relationships and experiences these moments
Whatever happens, don’t let this stage of life make you cynical. You’re either going to have a better relationship with your husband if things change or you’re either have more experience later in life, and have a better marriage or relationship.
Don’t lose hope!
I’m seeing a Frenchman but I live in Florida and he speaks to me like a child makes me look at him when we FaceTime and always bitching about something I’ve said, I’ve been to Paris and he has been to Florida a d then the pandemic, he wants me to move to Paris.. my Frenchman is not cheap and a lot younger than me and omg what a lover full of energy! But he has gotten me curious about a 3 some with another man and is pushing me to fly to france right now, even willing to pay everything.
Have most of us all dated the same man? I don’t ever want to generalize that a particular type of race is a certain way, but here is what I observed with the French man I dated for about five months whom I had known for a couple years and had just made a permanent move to the United States, where I live.
1. He really, REALLY, really was cheap. I mean, he wouldn’t even offer to pay for something like a simple coffee. However, I would offer every now and then and he would take me up on the offer without hesitation! He claimed he was budgeting because he just moved here. Later, he would accuse me of being materialistic and a princess, when in reality, I was the one paying for him most of the time! He even started a nasty fight before my birthday and made a comment, “I cannot believe I spent so much on your birthday present. I wish I had not.” To which I realized that he never bought a present. The fight was so he could get away with buying a gift, etc. Also, I paid for my own glass of wine on my birthday. ONE. GLASS.
2. The hygeine! He would never shower in the morning I noticed, so when I would go to see him at night, I always made sure I would start a “romantic” shower for the both of us. Sure, it’s cozy with someone you like (WHY), but mainly it was so that I could make sure he was clean!
3. The TEMPER! It was so awful! It was very, “It’s my way or the highway.” And then would come the times he would block me on all social media for a period of 24-48 hours. Often he would laugh and mock me. And he would definitely yell and go on and on in a sort of lecture mode for over an hour at times, blaming me for being a “bad girlfriend”.
4. He was VERY negative about EVERYTHING and made weird jokes about himself, like wishing he had a big black d*ck or if a fancy car passed by, he would say, “Oh, there’s my car.” He was insecure and negative, all while being incredibly bossy and mean.
5. SEX. He would literally do the same thing over and over again, wouldn’t last very long at all, and was once-a-day-and-done. BUT, he CLAIMED he was a romantic and that he ‘made love’. TOTAL BS! All talk.
Anyway, bless his heart. What a loser! Although it did make me look internally at why I would even allow someone like this to stick around for as long as I allowed. This blog post DEF helps me make sense of things!
I dated 2 French guys, and they were both not cheap at all. Insisted on treating me whenever we went out claiming their “French honor” of manners – haha. Dated these two a decade apart though. One was from Paris and one from south of France.
They both enjoyed going down on me a lot, they both always smelled nice, and took care of themselves well.
However, they were both hot-headed while claiming logic all the time. And boy, did they love to complain about everything!
While it’s super hard to make generalizations about millions of people, I think there are some traits that are common to French culture, and hence, French men.
1) France is still a sexist country, the very language betrays the dominance of male things/professions/qualities v. the female ones.
2) Arguing your point of view obsessively and with vigour is a national pastime. This can make the French men appear pompous, arrogant and unyielding.
3) It seems the thrill of the conquest/chase is more interesting than the actual relationship, which is hard to define for the French, anyway, leading to the inevitable appeareance of cooling off/disinterest.
4) The French eats lots of things that are in various states of decomposition/fermentation – stinky cheeses, lots of wine and coffee, and sadly, yes, they still smoke the ever present clopes. Owing to their heightened tolerance of pungent smells, I think they are less bothered by aromatic underarm odors (have you been on the RER, post work?)
5) The only dating rituals they adhere to is trying to get you in the sack. They view the expectation of obligatorily paying for a woman as archaic, sexist and unequal – and very American.
lol, men paying for everything, as women you consider yourself like an objects, we are in 2018.The comments seem to be written like real retarded people. French men stink. Stay in your country please, nobody want such dums.
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I rarely ever leave comments on blogs but I just had to comment on this….
Most of the negative comments on this I unfortunately have to agree with according to my own experience. I have been dating a French man for 2 months now. He has made me feel like I’m super crazy in our relationship because I to begin with have trust issues(yes I know this is on me) but just as I was beginning to trust him– I found out he was talking to other women on a dating app after we were in a defined relationship . He is super cheap but yet when it comes to things for himself such as an 8k motorcycle well this is a different story. He has told me at least a dozen times that he thinks he would be the best billionaire with the “cool” things he would buy. He will never admit he is wrong– even when I had evidence he was on the dating app – he made excuses as to why it was okay for him to be on there and that he didn’t trust me. At first he was super complimentary and told me that he would never be able to approach me at a bar due to how beautiful he thinks I am, but once we had sex all of that changed. He admittedly told me that he doesn’t want to compliment me now because I might get a big ego. We have great sex but at the same time when it comes to what I want- he is a selfish lover and never asks what I would like to do in bed.
Something about him is so charismatic yet I have never fought with someone this much in a span of two months. One thing I find super peculiar is that he has asked me on multiple occasions how much debt I am in with graduate school and credit cards. Also he has asked me how much money I have in my bank account. Talk about entitled and calculating….. I have always liked French men since I met one while visiting the UK back in college.
Something about him is so charming yet when I am around him I can’t quite understand why he is so appealing to me. I’m thinking of just deleting his number and being done with it all because things just keep becoming an emotional rollercoaster. He says that I am calculating but at times I think he is describing himself. I would go out with another French man quite possibly but another part of me feels that I should stay away. All of my girlfriends told me to watch out because Frenchmen are known as cheaters. I just wish this wasn’t so difficult because I did really like him but yet logic tells me to run away.
There is a reason why Germany marched through France in six weeks…
Is it the same reason why the Americans needed the French to save their butts during their fight for independance, “Scott”?
So i met this french guy through a dating app. We were both living in the US. He was really sweet at first and i thought he was different. He would text me everyday before we met saying sweet things. He suddenly asked if we can meet each other and i said yes. He sounded so excited tl
meet me and so was I. I went to his house then we watched a movie, ordered us food, and we had sex after that. The next couple i felt like he suddenly changed- a complete 360 degree change. I was confused because how can a person change so much after just a couple of days? Then he told me we should just take it slow. So now i had the impression that he only wanted sex from me. After that we might a couple more times. I really wanted to get to know him and spend more time with him. We met again before he went back to France and when he returned to the US i told him i wanted to see him again but he said he already met someone else! So i was like OKAAYYY. Then a couple of weeks after he started flirting with me again. What’s going on with him??
Très amusant. Which is to signal that I do not speak French. I found your amusing blog from a random google, “Is it possible to date a French man who does not smoke?” after being curious about a French architect while watching arte in German.
Merci.
I see you are almost all Americans here (like me). Maybe you should sit back and reflect on what is the stereotype of the American abroad:
We litter. We are loud. We are fat. We eat standing up. We drive aggressively. We don’t make eye contact. We don’t open doors for people. We rush. We are rude to wait staff in restaurants. We are prone to domestic violence. We are spoiling for a fight. We put our nose into others’ business. We are sanctimonious. We think we won the War of 1812. We manufacture bad cars, brew bad beer and eat flavorless potato chips. We won’t stop waving the flag. We are bad sports, especially during the Olympics. We think we are the center of the universe, and that money entitles us to everything. But the worst of our sins? We brag—nonstop.
I’m a French guy.
You have the 1st world problem of all girls: you never pick the right guy… 😉
Whatever the nationality of the guy
If he is acting like a jerk, he’s just a jerk…
One thing is “funny”, it’s about the fact we “stink”. I really can’t believe you met people who didn’t shower every days…
I shower every day and before the “cheeky time”.
Also the “cheap”. I never thought about money when I was dating… Cheap guys are most of the time the ones doing multi dates.
Also girls calling guys ‘cheap’, are the girls calling themselves ‘independant’ but expect the guy pay the bill 😉
Annnd I also know girls going on date to get free food and cinema etc… So… This shit is 50/50. Especially with the tinder trend.
Funny article tho. I always reading stuff about France from a different POV 🙂
Fuck yeah we complain all the time ! That’s how stuff move 🙂
Then… We cut some heads…
But for our defense, it’s not really complaining, it’s just giving our opinions and discuss about other’s opinion.
Good luck with your dates 😉
Donald killed me btw xD
Your post sums it up the best 🙂 lol . Happy holidays
A woman cannot be independent and expect the guy to be a gentleman ?. I can open the door myself, but it’s always nice if someone does, it shows that the person CARES.
That’s why I stopped going out with French people, they’ve lost all sense of courtesy + they’re damn selfish and individualistic .