You may remember the Unemployment Artist, the dubiously employed individual who sustains himself on a portfolio of various creative endeavors, such as hanging out at skater shops and taking pictures with vintage Leica cameras. You may also have heard about the Workaholic, he who rejoices in the fleeting art of hard work. When it comes to companionship, one would assume the latter to be decidedly more alluring than the former, but, in certain matters, the grass may actually be greener on the other end of the tax bracket! Today, we cross-analyze the two to see if the job really makes the man.
Typecasting
The Dbag Dating Guide to Ivy League Guys
Ivy League guys are like Céline prêt-à-porter: you don’t know how great it is until you try it, after which it becomes next to impossible to go back to high-street basics. After dating a well-educated man this past summer, I discovered the beauty of conversations that reach further than the latest Supreme collaboration (the hipster equivalent of football) and have been hooked ever since. Just like designer gear, Ivy Leaguers demand a certain finesse and refinement, mixed in with cool factor for good measure. Here are some tips!
A-Z guide to the GRBBC (Gilded Russian Brighton Beach Community)
In a faraway land, deep down in South Brooklyn, away from the hipsters of Williamsburg and the family haven of Prospect Park, lies a community that many know about, yet few brave out to explore on their own. It is called the Gilded Russian Brighton Beach Community (GRBBC), composed of Russian and Ukrainian immigrants who have taken segregation to a whole new level, creating a micro-universe complete with its own behavioral, sartorial and even jurisdictional codes. Today, we bring to you an A-Z guide that will give you some insight on this immigrant enigma.
Sunday Kind of Love: Sandra and Jonathan Goldman
You know that girl who somehow gets voted Prettiest and Most Likely to Succeed in high school? That’s Sandra Udis (now Goldman), my best friend and partner in crime for some of the most epic shenanigans of our early twenties. Sometime around 2008, Sandra met Jonathan Goldman, a charming Brit who won her over with one of the oldest tricks in the book – doing the exact opposite of everything a guy should do. The rest is happy couple history, which I demanded a full recount of when I invaded their Williamsburg pad last weekend. Let’s hear it!
The Text Hoverer
This brilliant theory is brought to you by a young comedian I met this week named Jared Freid (@jtrain56).
The Text Hoverer – the guy who is always on your radar via the multiple connecting touch points of your smartphone device (iMessage, WhatsApp, Snapchat for those of you who think they’re tweens), but never goes as far as instigating physical interaction. According to Jared, the goal of the Text Hoverer is to gain trust through consistency of communication, which enables him to bypass the traditional time and cost-consuming dating methods and shoot straight for the late night booty calls.
The Fashion Boyfriend
Fashion Boyfriends, i.e. men dating or married to women in the fashion industry, are like modern-day Army Wives. They stand by their significant others, watching them spend more on furry Gucci slippers than most human beings spend on rent without budging an inch. (Some even bravely pull out their credit cards, although I’m not even advocating that – your vices should be your own financial responsibility!) They listen to conversations that occasionally sound like record players jammed on the word “amazing” without convulsing in pain. They are silent heroes and must be saluted with the same levels of respect. Here’s how to tell them apart.