The Unemployment Artist (Otherwise Known as James Franco Syndrome)

Today, I would like to introduce a new Dbag Dating term, recently conceived by my friend in a moment of inspiration: The Unemployment Artist. 

Said inspiration came when I met yet another Tinder winner, who, in response to my inquiry about his occupation, stated that he didacting, drawing, painting, photographing, skateboarding.” After my eyes had rolled back into their sockets, I forwarded this information-laden sentence to my friend, who came up with this very accurate term to define this disturbing modern-day maladie.

Unemployment Artist: A man, usually in his 20’s, who lacks any definite direction in life. Forgoing the pursuit of a real career, he chooses to focus on a vast variety of ‘freelance’ hobbies, activities, and business endeavors. His goal is to be featured on VFiles and eventually be ‘discovered’ for one of his many talents, enabling him to collaborate with other unemployment artists on t-shirts that are sold at Colette.

Personally, I blame this phenomenon on James Franco, the modern-day King of ADD who has singlehandedly convinced young men that it is possible to everything at once, while simultaneously smoking a doobie/taking a nap. 
You can be an actor.. And a quasi-porn star! 
And have a major $$$ endorsement deal!
And frolic with bears! (JK, I just think he looks cute here.) 
If you’re bored, you can go to Harvard and sleep in class. 
And then write narcissistic books about sleeping in cars, the same way you sleep in class.
If all else fails, you can always wrap some cellophane around your head, take a picture, and sell it at Colette. They will sell anything, as long as it’s a collaboration. 
Boys, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not all Franco. The guy is a unique breed of lucky bastard who was able to capitalize on his exceptionally high IQ to position himself in a way that allows him to professionally pursue every hobby under the sun. Most of you don’t have his movie gigs and endorsement deals to fall back on, and unfortunately, banks don’t care about your “digital footprint” while giving out mortgages. 
I recently met a woman who’s entire family had studied to become nurses so that they could leave the Philippines and get jobs in England. Thinking about this, it is incredible how much freedom most of us have to at lease do something close to what we want with our lives. So, instead of looking for shortcuts, I suggest that our lost generation of Unemployment Artists starts narrowing down their many passions, selecting one or two that could eventually lead to real careers, allowing them to move out of their parents’ homes before the age of 30. 

You’re welcome, parents everywhere. Feel free to express your  gratitude in the form of Barney’s Gift Cards. 

Thoughts? Feedback? Please share. 

One Comment

  • This article is absolutely stupid. Why not let people enjoy their lives in whatever way they desire? Its not all about money and power and careers. These people may have found a happiness which you could never comprehend. Very closed minded, shame.

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