Editor’s Note: This post was brought to you by Pragati WS, a brilliant 24-year-old lawyer from New Delhi with a penchant for perusing the New York Times, Vogue and Dbag Dating between court hearings. Other hobbies include overindulging in coffee and Italian food and voicing her opinions on her blog and Twitter. This particular topic was inspired by the “tragic yet hilarious” dating exploits of Pragati and her girlfriends, once again proving that, no matter how many thousands of kilometers may lie between us, we are all the same!
Delectable caramel skin, wavy dark hair, chocolate-brown eyes, deep intelligence.. These are just a few of the many factors that lure women to Indian men. Even the ones who aren’t exactly Dev Patel lookalikes have a certain earthy je ne sais quoi that make them pretty hard to resist. Throw in excellent manners and abundant generosity, and they are definitely worth your while.
Now that we have sung these guys all the praises under the South-East Asian sun, it’s time for some practical advice. If you are dating – or considering dating – a man from this subcontinent, here are some common traits you should be prepared for.
The first step is the hardest.
You can trust them to send satellites to Uranus, manage international corporations and sort out the fiscal crisis, but most Indian men don’t know the first thing about asking a girl out. This is largely due to the conservative societal attitude towards dating. (Case in point: a large part of the population still believes in arranged marriages.) Even though urban Indians are starting to embrace dating, most guys are still novices at the daunting task of approaching women, resulting in Raj Koothrappalli levels of awkwardness. That said, if an Indian man catches your eye, you may want to take matters in your own hands by initiating conversation or even asking him out. Just tread subtly; at the end of the day, Indian men are adamant about being leaders and may bolt at an overly aggressive approach.
They are extremely generous.
Once they overcome their shyness, Indian men are known to be the most gracious and generous of the lot. Be prepared to be courted like it’s another century, showered with attention and offered tokens of affection – chocolates, flowers and even material gifts are all part of the deal. Also, get ready to eat! Indian men love food, so you are in for some excellent multi-course feasts.
They have unrealistic expectations.
Indian men are notorious for their unrealistic expectations when it comes to women. They could look like Danny DeVito 20 years from now, and yet they will still expect you to look like Aishwarya Rai. Long silky hair, fair-skinned, a 25-inch waist, Michelin-level cooking skills, a doctorate in science – all of these are the mere prerequisites to landing a perfectly average man.
They can be hypocritical… and bad in bed
Don’t be surprised when you come across a serious case of double standards. Even if the guy you are dating has his fair share of experience in the bedroom, he may still expect you to be a Vestal Virgin. (He will also probably try to sleep with you on the first date, only to judge you after.)
Also, be warned: the Kamasutra may have come from India, but don’t expect your Indian guy to be that familiar with it. Due to the hypocritical and primitive attitude towards sex, most Indian men aren’t the best in the bedroom (until you show them a few tricks, of course!)
Mom’s the word.
We all love our mothers, but few people worship their mothers like Indian men. Imagine the Jewish or Italian mother-son relationship, dialed up to a whole new level of dependence and control. As often seen in Bollywood films, Indian men tend to obey their mothers’ wishes, and even grant them leadership over their lives. That said, if the mother doesn’t like you, don’t expect the relationship to last. She’s hunting for a daughter-in-law, not a girlfriend for her son!
Their families are involved.
If you’re dating an Indian guy, you’re pretty much dating his family, too, so you might as well bid all that cozy one-on-one time adieu. Expect his entire clan to be invested in your relationship, demanding regular updates on your engagement, wedding, and procreation timeline. (If you don’t have one, they will be happy to take care of it for you!)
Even though dating is becoming accepted in the Indian society, dating outside of the culture and religion can be a bitter pill for the family to swallow. And yet, more often than not, families acquiesce and give in for the sake of their kids’ happiness.
There is no life without wife.
Given all the societal and family pressure to settle down, it is no surprise that getting married becomes the sole goal of some people’s lives. For men from very conservative backgrounds, this is also the only way to have sex, making them particularly eager to quickly jump into marriage. On a bright note, all that respect that they have for their mothers makes them into excellent husbands!
(Bonus point: the weddings are beautiful!)
Bollywood influence can go the wrong way.
Dramatic by nature, Indians often allow Bollywood to inspire their love lives. This can go in both the romantic or creepy directions, depending on the movie du jour, so you better hope that the scriptwriters are on your side. Don’t get your hopes up for a top-of-the-Eiffel-Tower proposal – instead, expect plenty of excessive drama, unnecessary arguments, and random serenading. Also, due to the popularity of Bollywood movies that depict the male lead eve-teasing a girl in random public places (and eventually winning her love), this form of harassment has acquired a twisted sense of masculinity and romance, and has become a rampant social problem in some parts of the country.
Intelligence always wins.
Due to the extensive emphasis on academics and the arts, and their inherent penchant for hard work, Indians are some of the most intelligent people on the planet (think prolific figures like Sundar Pichai, Salman Rushdie, Amartya Sen, CV Raman and Kal Penn). That said, if you do end up with an Indian man, you can rest assured that your kids will be spearheading research teams at MIT, leading multinational companies, unravelling the secrets of the universe, and generally running the world about thirty years from today!
Editor’s Note: Amen! Do it for the DNA!
P.S. Want to wax some poetry about your own people? Email me at dbagdating@gmail.com
Thank you so much!! I have been waiting for this post so long… my bf is Indian. His mom calls him everyday and there was no way he could spend a day without talking to her. They mostly talk about food (beta, have you eaten enough? Don’t eat outside food, you will get sick!), marriage and grandkids (she might die before seeing her grandkids therefore we should get married ASAP) and what any of their relatives might have done (comparing to all the kids of other mothers who dutifully got married).
On the other hand, I really admire his mother, and she seems to like me too (therefore we are getting married at the end of this year).
CONGRATULATIONS! Personally, I think this mother sounds like a relationship Fairy Godmother – God known men need a little pressure! I’m so happy it resonated; only have Pragati to thank here! xx
I enjoyed reading the piece and have my insights on what Urban Indians men and women are looking for – yes they seek commitment but marriage should not be the only form of committed relationship…
Im pranaybiswas in Hyderabad
My bf is Indian as well. He is from Uttar and my friend told that watching out with the Indian men from this area 😔. Also I found that he hasn’t known much about me though he keeps saying he loves me so much. I don’t know I should believe in hime or not. Wait for your advice. Thanks
😂 Don’t worry about it this much. You don’t require to come at these sites for these reasons when it’s about Indian men or women. Keep it cool and express your concerns to them whatever you feel. We are really caring people express as much as you can. We love to solve other’s concerns so much so that we forget to solve ours.😂🤣🤣 Trust me on that.. Speak your mind.
Had an indian bf but his mom doesnt approved of me. He did his best to fight for our relationship but was really in pain. I let him go. Last thing i heard he got engaged. I also found my man and loved by my mom in law.
This is a stupid article full of bad stereotypes about Indian men. In fact I think it’s written by a hater. Some Indian men are shy but not all of them. There are lot of Indian guys who are players and know how to date multiple women at the same time.
Also Indian guy can be a good or bad in the bed depending on the experience and maturity. It’s not related to race or nationality. So I hope that any women reading this are not discouraged by this article. I think it’s trash.
Modernity usnt always good
men in general would want
virgin women
It’s a superficial, hypocritical article not very smart article Dear. You should and could know better since you know Indian men!
Saying that they pretty much suck at bed, are sticked to their mothers or extra intelligent is untruth.
My boyfriend is Indian and is the best man I had at bed. He is insatiable and he’s definitely a guy who knows about Kama Sutra because it runs in his blood and he has experience with women.
Yes, there are lots of emotional times, pressure to succeed in life, appetite for romance but his mother never had the ability to control him because he’s smart and didn’t want this kind of control in his life. Is he extra smart so far? No. Just ambitious and serious at work. For sure he’s generous. But not more than a traditional Arab guy for sure! And I don’t think he’s an exception. Many Indian men dream and have a better life today without any overwhelming amount of family and financial pressure because they had embraced modernity.
…and How Indian men still manage to keep their sanity, considering the kind of women they have to put up with 😀
i think that dating is successful i don’t know i want to go
Modernity is not always better
Men in general would want a virgin
Modernity is not always good
men in general would want virgin women