Ladies, our resident Freud has spoken and all of your romantic cases are now closed!
For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, a couple of weeks ago I offered the unique opportunity to outsource your dating woes to a real, live, cynicism-laden Frenchman. Today, I proudly present the first round of his wisdom. Not to toot my own horn, but I may have tapped into a psychoanalytic goldmine here – Carpe Diem and send in your questions before his generosity fades! (DM @dbagdating! And follow it too!)
NB #1: If your question is below, please excuse my editing and emoji embellishment. Attention spans are low; desperate measures are imperative.
NB #2: If we have missed the deadline of your dilemma, we apologize. We hope that this did not jeopardize your romance and this insight will still prove to be useful!
First of all, I would like to applaud your courage for asking out a guy you never met before. I’m not being sarcastic here: life is too short, if you want something, go for it. So, Victoria +100 points.
Now, for the answer. When Marina, your blog guru, asked me to offer a few of you some humble advice, I agreed to do it under one condition: I would be allowed to tell you the truth – or, shall I say, MY truth. Sometimes it can hurt feelings, but I promise that you can fire back at me in the comments section!
Now that I have given you my little warning, let’s start. He asked you if you had evening plans; you didn’t. Now, as much as laundry and grocery shopping are a high priority, he didn’t jump on the occasion to ask you out. RED FLAG #1. He didn’t ask for your number when you guys parted ways. RED FLAG #2. He hasn’t contacted you since. RED FLAG #3. Look, who knows. He may have mixed in a red sock with the rest of his white laundry and now own a bunch of pink clothes, and this may be the real reason he hasn’t contacted you – he’s ashamed. But, the cruel truth is, he’s probably not that into you. And that’s fine. Plenty of fish in the sea (or the local park lake!)
Now, let’s pretend I’m all wrong here and it’s all my stupid French cynicism talking. Let’s pretend that he actually is into you. Is this really what you want from a guy? Someone who doesn’t take any initiative? Someone who doesn’t express what he truly wants? Someone who doesn’t even know what he wants? Believe me here – if the relationship starts this way, the dynamics of it will never change. So good luck when you will have to face real issues and decisions later on.
I’ll end this little message by saying: don’t waste your time, because he will waste yours!
Hello Miss Anonymous,
First and foremost, let me give you a tip that you can also call RULE #1: life is very unfair. While a woman often fears that her boyfriend / husband will one day leave her for a younger woman, an older man NEVER worries that his girlfriend might leave him for a younger guy. So, on that front, you’re good. That aside, you said it yourself – two months is pretty early in a relationship. For now, I would suggest that you two just enjoy each other; it’s pointless to create problems where there are none. When he says you’ve “tamed” him, he most likely means it as a joke, or maybe this is his way of telling you that he really likes you. (Yes, I have said this in the past, must be a French thing!) If the situation really bothers you, the easiest solution would be for you to share your feelings. Be honest – not too pushy but honest. Although I would wait a little more for that – but hey, it’s your relationship!
NOW, regarding the “womanizer” cliché of Frenchmen, I’m a little skeptical about that. Sure, Frenchmen like to seduce, and, most of the time, they will do it in a pretty obvious way. However, I don’t have any stats or graphs to back up this theory, but I’m pretty sure that American men and Frenchmen, on average, “experience” the same number of women throughout their lives. The only difference here might be the amount of time they spend in bed with them. FRANCE 1 – USA 0 😜
Dear Case 3,
Let me try to answer your question by telling you something about myself. When I’m in a stable relationship, I’m not the most comfortable at sharing my feelings. And yet, here’s the interesting part: I’m always somehow convinced that my feelings are understood by my significant other. (True in some cases, not so much in others.) Sounds familiar? When it comes to both sharing AND receiving feelings, we are not all created equal, which makes this a very personal issue. “Not sharing” might just be his nature – and that’s okay. However, if you feel that you need him to share his feelings more, just explain to him nicely that it would help you to know you are both going in the same direction. Don’t put too much pressure on it, but, if you make him understand, he will surely make an effort. Now, considering that he makes plans with you, I wouldn’t be too worried about the continuation of your relationship!
P.S. Yes, American girls are the best dates….but only when they live in Paris!