The beauty of fashion is its ability to suggest, to inspire, to awaken dormant personas within us. In the aftermath of the Instagram parade that was Paris Fashion Week, let’s take a moment to review some alter ego options designers has to offer us for Spring 2018, rating their datability with a custom Kiss, Marry or Ghost? game!
Louis Vuitton, Napoleon 2.0
What it says: “I’m the coolest chick in town; a regular mix between Napoleon Bonaparte and Muhammad Ali! Stick with me and you will defeat history, survive the Trump Era of Lunacy, and get bumped up to first class on your SpaceX rocket to Mars!”
Vote: MARRY! Survival skills, baby.
Jacques, Et Dieu… Créa la femme
What it says: “I am the reason God invented women. Because, let’s face it, it doesn’t get better than me. I’m hot, I’m young, I’m fun, I don’t wear pants. In fact, I rarely wear clothing, period, opting to spend summers frolicking topless on secluded Corsica beaches. I am mysterious and complicated in that Nouvelle Vague way that men find attractive… That is, until one of my ‘innocent’ trysts destroys the balance of an entire family, or community, and I flee, leaving chaos in my wake..”
Vote: KISS! At your own risk!
Chanel, Swan in Boots
What it says: “I’m an exquisite creature that has been imported from a small country in Eastern Europe for to my unique leg-to-body ratio. My raison d’être hinges solely on making this world a more beautiful place. My upkeep is an obscenely expensive endeavor, so please don’t speak to me if you cannot afford me. FYI, I confront plebeian circumstances like rain in 4K over-the-knee boots. In fact, I would probably wear them for a hurricane photo-op!”
Vote: GHOST! Use your brain!
Balenciaga, Éternel Étudiant
What it says: “I am a student and plan to remain one forever, stocking up on women’s studies degrees until I finally decide to do something entirely different – like open an Ayurveda center in Brooklyn, sans business plan! I will never contribute a dollar to the household income, but I am quite lovely and low-maintenance, so don’t let that bother you!”
Vote: KISS! Just. Don’t. Marry.
What it says: “I’m an active Bernie supporter who likes to manifest her stance on humanity’s greed via the ($2K) cloth that covers her skin. Or, maybe, that’s what I want you to think as I wire your money to a cryptic bank account, created to fund a new dystopian society. Or, maybe, I am not a woman but an Internet bot, designed to hack into your brain! Or a transient fragment of your imagination! Or, maybe, I’m not here, and neither are you!”
Vote: GHOST! WAKE UP!