Did you guys miss me? Were you wondering where I was? If maybe I`d fallen in love and abandoned you, or something equally unfathomable tragic?
The truth is, I tried, I really did. Unlike you slacker bums, I took my New Years resolutions seriously and attempted to get the f*ck out of my comfort zone by having a guy visit me for the weekend. A REAL LIVE GUY. VISIT ME. ME. ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK.
I told you this was going to be a year of supermoons.
While I’m not quite yet ready to divulge the details of said (mediocre) escapade, you can rest assured that in love I’m not. What I am, however, is disappointed, disappointed with poor scheduling skills, which caused me to miss out on the most fun event to hit Paris all winter : Men’s Fashion Week!
Unlike regular Fashion Week, which suggests a depressing influx of skinny things that make me re-realize exactly where I stand in the food chain of life, Men’s Fashion Week is actually FUN! All of a sudden, androgynous creatures in Damir Doma robes descend upon my sleepy hipster Le Marais hood, bringing it to life with a whiff of something mildly resembling testosterone. Testosterone with a heavy glaze of Frédéric Malle, that is.
While I fully understand that the majority of fashion boys do not consider me to be in their target market by default, I cannot help but appreciate the aesthetical richesse that this event brings to the city. And so, even though I couldn’t join my friends in crashing the likes of Silencio to test out my luck in No Woman’s Land, I managed to do enough observing + cyberstalking to bring to you 8 types of men you are guaranteed to find at #PMFW.
1. The Givenchy Model
He who is a Givenchy model actually looks like a man. I don’t know if Ricardo Tisci has to go back to his native South Italy to find these guys, but whatever he’s doing, its working. P.S. If they ever need a place to stay in Paris, I’m a fantastic cuddle buddy.
2. The Saint Laurent Model
The love child of Hedi Slimane and Kris van Assche, desperately seeking a burger. Can be seen on and off the runway, looking like the mildest gust of wind could sweep him all the way back to his native Poland. Half-shaved hair and sunken-in cheekbones a must.
3. The Beautiful Child
You feel like a pedophile looking at him but LOOK HOW PRETTY HE IS. This guy is usually about 20, from Eastern Europe, and living in a model dorm with 16 other boys who look like him.
4. The Skater
Standard unemployment artist. Lack of a real job permits him to hang out at the shows 24/7, “networking” while wearing lots of Supreme.
5. The Fashion Blogger
As much of an epidemic as the female blogger. Dresses up like an asshole to get his picture taken. Needs to disappear from the planet, along with his Mickey Mouse ears.
6. The Bespoke Editor
Custom suits and don’t-fuck-with-me attitude. Wants to shoot the dude with the Mickey Mouse ears, and for good reason.
7. The Asian Buyer
Skirt-wearing Yohji Yamamoto worshiper, usually travels in packs of his own kind. Utterly useless, but fun to look at.
8. Kanye West
Cause its Yeezus, b****s.