A few things to feel thankful for later tonight while nursing your food baby…
1. The Dbag that got away. The one you cried a river over, fully believing him to be yin to your yang, the Do to your Re, the stuffing to your turkey, the ginger beer to your Moscow Mule; the list of bad analogies goes on. Now that time has worked its magic and you see him for who he truly is, whether it’s an Unemployment Artist who would have made you pay full rent, an Eternal Bachelor who would have strung you along for years before trading you in for a younger version, or a Cross Bearer who would have made your life Lexapro – laden hell, it’s time to count your blessings and be grateful for dodging that bullet, sista!
Following suite to the “To Pay or Not to Pay” debate, we bring to you The DutchBag, submitted by the very charming and talented Canadian writer Sandra Cigana. (Follow her on Instagram here in the anticipation of her own blog launch!)
Tinder, Tinder, Tinder, you addictive and instantly gratifying beast. I curse you, yet, for some reason, refuse to delete you. That being said, in a mere few months of attempting to tame the beast, I have enough material to keep my (mostly married or committed) friends roaring with laughter / smiling with looks of “when are you going to get yourself together or settle down so we can have baby showers and bond over nipple creams?!”
Square-toe shoes: the most sinful combination of words in the English language, as far as most women are concerned. Apparently, this footwear faux pas can cost a man his respect, his reputation, and even, in some cases, his ability to “seal the deal”—his footwear becoming the sartorial equivalent of erectile dysfunction, so to speak. “We were in this guy’s bedroom and all I could think about were the terrible square-toe shoes he had worn to dinner,” recalls a Parisian fashion consultant friend, shuddering over her glass of Sancerre, while claiming that the memory had served as a mental impediment to their brewing connection. I would think that this was ridiculous—something as superficial as shoes, ruining a romantic evening?!—if I myself had not recently had a traumatic experience on London’s Tube, wherein my otherwise handsome, intelligent date picked up his foot, pulled at the partially detached sole of his deteriorating (albeit not square-toe) oxford, and proclaimed: “Time for some new shoes!” (For the record, I’m fairly certain that my ability to bite my tongue at that instant could qualify me for international diplomacy.)
Read on HERE!
As any woman who has ever been on what society labels as a “first date” knows, nothing feels as awkward as that Faux Wallet Move.
You know the drill. The bill comes. You fumble through your bag, halfheartedly looking for that little Comme des Garçons sucker that holds your financial credentials, while simultaneously observing his actions with the precision of a boarder control officer. Will he put his card on the table and move the bill away, out of sight and out of mind? Or is he – gulp – waiting for you to actually cover your portion of your negroni-fueled fiesta? In any case, you locate your card (because physical Ben Franklins instigate greed in people, making them more likely to collect) and slide it over. Best-case: he rejects it – you insist – he tells you that you can get him a drink later – you internally breathe a sign of relief, knowing that he has officially passed and there is a chance at a foreseeable future. Not-so-best-case: he accepts your card – asks the server to split half way (or, even worse, cover your exact portion!) – extinguishes any desire you may have to make out with him after the date – gets written off in the “time wasted” category and becomes yet another object of mockery to your friends.
Sometimes, friends have really, really good ideas. The kind you wish you would have had yourself, instead of launching a blog about dating douchebags and consequently making yourself both undateable and, most likely, unhireable. One such idea belongs to Lisa Winning, an Australian expat who went on to launch He Texted, a brilliant application that enables befuddled ladies (and gentlemen) to send in screen shots of their text message conundrums, to be deciphered by amateurs and experts alike. Today, Lisa answers our questions about common dilemmas, dating in the time of Tinder, and her favorite NYC meeting spots!
Tomorrow will mark exactly two years since I launched this blog. Like any other day of personal relevance, I remember November 16th, 2013 perfectly. It was a Sunday, a colder Sunday than the one in Paris today, a gloomier one as well. I published the first post and went to meet my friends at Musée d’Orangerie to see the Frida Khalo and Diego Rivera exhibit. We were too late to get in, so we crossed the Seine and made our way over to La Palette on the Rive Gauche. I have a photo of my friend balancing on one leg on Pont des Arts, laughing in the freezing cold.