Being back in New York is bringing back memories. Mainly, of how cool I used to be.
Maybe not that cool. But fun! Yes, I was fun. I used to get dressed up in crazy outfits. I used to hang out at The Beatrice Inn until the same wee hours that I now wake up for the Equinox MetCon3 class. I used to be the muse to socialite Latin musicians and run around pantless on Mulberry street, asking random men to jump-start my car.
Yeah, you heard me right. Now sit back and enjoy.
Photo by Kat Irlin (@kat_in_nyc)
When a partner in relationship inadequacy falls romantically, irreproachably in love, your initial reaction is to feel slightly betrayed. But then, sometimes, all it takes is to meet the object of their affection to get over it. My friend Isaac Hindin Miller, blogger behind Isaac Likes, recently found the perfect yin to his dysfunctional yang in longtime friend, model Jenny Albright. These kids are young, smart, mildly photogenic, and currently killing it as part of DJ duo Isaac Likes Jenny. Intrigued, I strapped them down at La Colombe and demanded some insight on what goes on behind those annoyingly perfect Instagram photos!
The Cross Bearer: The guy who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. In the hierarchy of men (working on it!), falls somewhere in the Hipster category. Yet, his problems are far deeper than the average hipster’s, as his are the problems of humanity.
You know this guy, we all do. If you think you’ve never met him, give yourself a pat on the back, as you are smart enough to disqualify him exactly for who he is: a miserable, brooding waste of time. He’s the guy standing in the corner of the party, face masked by greasy shrubbery, sulking like a a pubescent adolescent stuck in the terrible sixteens. He’s the guy who mostly grunts en lieu of normal communication, making mid-meltdown Joaquin Phoenix seem as put-together as Obama. He’s the guy your stupid naive friend is intent on “saving”, blaming his lack of life skills on the tragic childhood issues that have been plaguing him for the past 20+ years.
In 2013 it was the crop top, which I was all too happy to forgo. In 2014 it was the bucket bag, a specific color-block Proenza Schouler that I coveted for months, before its imminent veto. This year it was the reworked vintage jeans by cult-favorite Vetements, which were spotted all over the Spring 2016 street style galleries. During each of my three years living in Paris, I consciously skipped a trend, not because I disliked it (crop tops and their required abdominal work aside), but because the idea of buying into it prompted the same perplexing question: “Where am I going to wear this?” Certainly not Paris.
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Shameless selfie by Caroline Owens
Stop the presses: I moved back to New York.
To say that this was a gradual process would be an understatement. For the record that nobody is keeping, I moved to Paris over the course of ten days, at the expedited speed of a truly efficient New Yorker. Three years later, I came back at the pace of a languid Parisienne, stretching the endeavor over four months, half of the time it takes an embryo to morph into a human being. I pondered, I wondered, I deliberated, I polled my friends as though the projection of a presidential election depended on it. I spent all of August alone in Paris, sitting Shiva for my imminent departure. In the beginning of September, I had a quiet good-bye dinner, boarded a plane with six bags in tow, and came back home. A month later, I was back. “For work,” I told everyone. What I meant was, “for closure”.
I have always had a conflicted perspective on Halloween. On one hand, it may be one of the dumbest man-made holidays, venturing into the fundamentally tacky with its parade of slutty cops and nurses and any other blue-collar career presented in baby prostitute form. On the other hand, it’s a great excuse for adults to spark up their social – and romantic – lives right in time for cuffing season! In case you don’t have it in you to line up at Ricky’s for two hours for your packaged plastic gear, here are some brilliantly easy, thought-provoking, pickup game-bolstering outfits you can concoct in the comfort of your closet!
