When it comes to dating, there seem to be two conflicting theories. One claims that, in order to attain success in your love life, you must “put yourself out there” and approach dating somewhat as a part-time occupation, “keep your eyes on the prize” and pretty much Secret your way to marital bliss. The other, more fatalist one, pronounces that “the best things happen when you least expect them”, hence you should focus on yourself and forget that the opposite sex (or the same sex – to each their own) exists altogether.
Personally, I’m conflicted. On one hand, penning a dating blog doesn’t leave me with much option, but to immerse myself in the dating scene à la recherche of my next chef d’oeuvre, which often leads to some pretty enthralling organic adventures. And yet, I have to admit that, when practiced in extreme, dating can easily go from being an entertaining activity, to becoming a task as tedious and soulless as a job interviewing. Come think, the two are not that different, as they both require an aesthetic effort (unless you are French), a pleasant disposition, polite questions, followed by equally polite answers, based on the same spiel that you have rattled off dozens of times before. Supply is high, demand is low, good prospects are far and few in-between, while random gigs are available in abundance. At some point, while recounting my bio for the millionth time, complete with all the same quirky anecdotes and sentimental moments, I begin feeling exactly like I do in job interviews – exhausted, restless and eager to get the f*ck out of there, write a follow-up thank you note, and forget about the person for the foreseeable future.
Perhaps, I am simply in a rut, dating people who I don’t have much interest in, in a city where the majority of the population has little-to-no grasp of the English language and little-to-no surprise element, at least to me. Additionally, tools like Tinder make it quite difficult to make a selection that is based a mutual attraction, a vibe, a je ne sais quoi, sentiments that far more important than we realize. While I understand that this is all part of “the game”, exactly how many frogs is it necessary to sit across from over glasses of cheap wine in order to finally meet somebody even vaguely resembling a prince?
While I outrule the French for dating purposes, perhaps they are not too far off with their “anti-dating” approach, which disregards the traditional structure and leans more towards a natural, “get to know one another” format. You feel a spark and you rush into it headfirst, without all the mundane, rules-driven nonsense. And so, instead of “dating” I think I may simply veer towards the approach of “staying open”, meeting new people, traveling, and seeing what the hell life has in store for me as the world slowly de-frosts itself. After all, life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.. Or at least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Thoughts?
Great post. Really believe the right person comes into your life when you are focusing on you, following your bliss, rather than putting yourself out there like a job candidate trying to curate what you think is the version of yourself that will lead to a successful outcome. I find this to be true of all relationships, platonic or not. Once in a relationship though I do believe we have to work to keep those relationships healthy and relevant in our lives, but it’s a labor of love when we do find the right people x
Thanks Sable! I agree, and yet sometimes you feel SO stuck in a rut and just want to create some fictional drama, resorting to the Tinders and the bar hopping and all that other slightly empty pursuits of a quick fix… The funny thing is, it hardly ever works out in the long run when initiated in this way!
And of course, one must work on preserving relationships – I love the “labor of love” term that you used!! xxx