Creative guys are trending.
Blame it on the rise of digital technology or inspiration Apple campaigns (seems like a bit of a chicken or the egg scenario), but it appears that every other man in the Western Hemisphere has recently decided to iManeuver his way into the artistic fields, previously reserved but for the select (professionally trained) few. As a result, we now have an entire segment of demi-professional DJs, “multimedia artists”, “photographers” and “content creators” who have birthed their own, very specific culture that may seem almost foreign to us mere mortals. Having logged enough hours on one particular Creative dating Mecca (GUESS WHICH ONE!) to give Malcom Gladwell’s 1000-hours-to-become-an-expert theory a whirl for its validity, I have decided to create a thorough guide that will help you navigate this male category with the aptness (and Acne gear) that it deserves.
B is for Burning Man. Which, to the Creative, is what the DNC is to the liberal political junkie – a chance to finally channel that relentless quest for self-discovery into infinite amounts of MDMA and eye-opening activities like adult potato sack races or human petting zoos. Burning Man can be substituted for a silent yoga retreat or, for the brave few, a trip to an experiential destination like Auroville.
C is for Curated. Because everything in a Creative’s life is curated. And by that, I really do mean everything. From his Aesop soap and Feit sneakers to his Tokyobike bike and Stumptown Ethiopia Duromina dripped at 1 drip per minute, his life looks like a real life version of a Kinfolk Pinterest board. (Except that Kinfolk is too cool for Pinterest, of course.)
H is for Hybrid. Because this is the keyword behind his career description. Most creatives sustain themselves on a delicate balance of one job that pays the bills and a couple of passion projects, resulting in an entire generation of graphic-designers-slash-podcast-presenters-slash-artisans. In any case, I guarantee you that you will never be able to explain what he does to your mother. I will also bet on the fact that he doesn’t have health insurance.
(Says the blogger-slash-marketer-slash-brand-content-creator.)
I is for Instagram. On which he probably has more followers on than you. This is because he spends a very extensive amount of his time CURATING his page and ensuring that his ambiguous mixed media collages have uniform white border and coexist impeccably in his digital eco-system. Having read a lot of Mashable, the Creative treats himself as a brand and you better be a pretty solid brand extension – or, even better, cross-branding opportunity! (And what’s a better cross-branding opportunity than a chick with a blog called Dbag Dating?! Which you should follow on Instagram HERE!)
L is for Local. Because, in addition to having a lower BMI than you, he probably also nourishes himself way better than you. This is not a basic bro you can serve a bucket of KFC to and call it a day. Oh non, this man likes his food locally sourced and his meat (if he still eats meet) grass-fed. He orders all of his lunches from designer lunch joints like Maple while your cheap ass sits there eating $5 soup from the local deli.
M is for Models. Creative guys love models and vice versa because they can mooch off each other’s “talents” and create aspirational-yet-organic lifestyle shoots for free. Also, they have plenty of shares interests, like farmer’s market and photo filters! Model alternatives include lifestyle bloggers and ethereal vegan philanthropists in perfectly-cut Redone denim.
R is for Raya. Which is where you can find these Creatives in bulk! For the IRL Raya experience, try Soho House, which he loves to hate but actually spends all of his time at. You can also try the Ace Hotel, the Wythe hotel and any other hotel lobby with strong wifi.
S is for Social Responsibility. Because part of his journey of feeling “fulfilled” in life is “giving back”, which means that one of his many projects definitely has a charity angle that probably benefits him more than anyone else by providing him with philanthropic talking points on Raya dates. Which, just like everything else on this blog, circles back to yours truly and her deep appreciation for some New Age nonsense spewed over a Moscow Mule.
The conclusion: Date him if you happen to look good at every photographic angle (i.e. are a model) and have a job that provides health benefits. Since the two are actually mutually exclusive, chances are that you won’t get a chance to date him at all. HIS LOSS, YOUR GAIN!
J.k., we all know who’s trolling Raya as we speak.