Ghosts of Bad Gifts Past

Misery Loves Company · Paris · by Marina Khorosh

Remember the duck purse?!

The other day, I woke up to a hysterical text from a friend:

MARINA CAN YOU PLEASE WRITE A DBAG DATING STORY ABOUT HOW MY BOYFRIEND BOUGHT ME A WATER PITCHER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!?????

I almost rolled out of bed laughing, imagining this poor girl unraveling the Christmas wrapping in anticipation of a romantic gift from her fresh, exciting new love, only to discover…a glass jug. She seemed to be in dire need of lashing out, so I told her to go ahead and send me a recount of this incident. Curious, I began asking others around me about the strangest presents they had ever received from significant others.. As it turns out, people have some pretty colorful stories to share!

The Story of Jake Gyllenhaal, or The New Year’s Eve That Never Happened

Editor’s Note: This very timely post comes from a new contributor to this blog, whom I like to call the Loggster. The Loggster is one of my best friends, earning her nickname for being one of the calmest, nicest people I know. (Log -> Boring person -> Loggster. Get it?!) However, she also shares my special Superwoman powers of ATTRACTING ALL THE WRONG GUYS, and so her voice on this site is highly cherished.

Dear Dbag Addict,

In response to your most recent inquiry, “What’s the worst way a guy has ever broken up with you?”, here goes my tale of the New Year’s Eve that never happened.

Prison and Pregnancy is Not a Good Look

Misery Loves Company · by La Yummy Mummy

Editor’s Note: This post is brought to you by a married, adult friend of mine, who has previously appeared on this blog to voice her critique of our carrot-eating friend Bestie. After some thought, we have decided to christen her as the D-Expert, as she appears to be the only voice of semi-reason on this site. Recently, the D-Expert called me, sounding as if she had just cracked the Holy Grail of female mysteries: “I know why you are still single! It’s the PEOPLE in this city!”

Wow, no kidding.

And so, below is the D-Expert’s recount on being 6 months pregnant in the lovely, completely non-judgmental city of Paris!

When Love Gets Virtual

Misery Loves Company · by Marina Khorosh

Since t’is the Season to be Merry and you probably have nothing better to do, lets take a quick survey. How many of these apply to you?

You are currently talking to a guy (girl) on the phone/Facebook/email or some other form of telecommunication on a daily basis.
Whenever something good or bad happens in your life, he (she) is the first to know.
Instead of going out to partake in real life activities, you sometimes stay home to talk to him (her).
When you do go out, you feel guilty talking to other guys (girls). In fact, you don’t really consider yourself single.
However, sex is something you haven’t experienced in awhile.

Is this you? If so, you are suffering from Virtual Relationship Syndrome, the biggest form of human procrastination since Angry Birds.

The Story of Mister Quinoa

Misery Loves Company · by Anonymous

Editor’s Note: This episode of the OK Cupid Files is brought to you by The Drama Magnet.

I like to think of the whole OK Cupid episode as a research method to help my friend with this site. (Yes, I’m a great friend. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) One of the most memorable “encounters” was what later became known as Mister Quinoa.

MQ was a 21-year-old-comedian who didn’t speak a word of English but looked hot in a ‘dirty hipster/starving artists’ kind of way. (Editors Note: he didn’t. He just looked like a dirty hipster and starving artist rolled up in one package, with a tacky fedora thrown on top.)

A Suede Trench and a French Penis

Misery Loves Company · by Marina Khorosh

Editor’s Note: Today, I bring to you to a very important contributor to this site – The Drama Magnet. (You may remember her as my partner in crime from the blog introduction, the Lady Gaga to my Miley, so per say.)

Prior to moving to Paris in 2011, the The Drama Magnet resided in Los Angeles and New York City. Albeit a longstanding history of dancing side by side at Goldbar throughout all of the late 2000’s, we only became friends years later, united by a mutual quest for life’s basic necessities (decent gym, men, customer service) in a place where they cease to exist. Of Latin American origin, the Drama-Gnet has a much lower threshold to the masochism that is Paris, thus making her experiences in this glorious city far more poignant than my own.

Oh, she also has a few Master’s degrees, and the capacity to cite Hemingway.