My Dating Ghosts Past, Immortalized In Print!

I remember the day I received the email from the publisher. It was early 2017 and I was working for a company I secretly despised, when it landed into my mailbox, directed to myself and my (nonexistent) agent. Based on my reaction, I might as well have been invited to star in the new Batman, alongside Robert Pattinson. Here it was, I thought, my claim to fame, my escape route from jobs I secretly despised, an opportunity to wave a middle finger at the world as I catapulted to overnight stardom. (Because, you know, authors always become world-renowned stars overnight. Especially when they release books abroad.)

I responded in the time frame that you respond to a very lucrative date offer – not too quickly, yet not delaying it long enough for them to think I’m not interested. What came next was a year of crafting a book proposal, negotiating terms, translating a French contract, signing a French contract, followed by six months of procrastinating and about eight months of fervently penning the book. Over the course of these two years, I experienced a family loss, spent months reconnecting with my old life in Russia, went through a tumultuous relationship (followed by an equally tumultuous breakup), and endured a TMJ issue that sent me straight to limbo and back.

By 2019, I had enough material to fill a separate manuscript…and yet there I was, still micro-analyzing my romantic misadventures from 2013. The format of the memoir was simple: five years of my life, relayed through 12 romantic encounters that shaped me along the way, with each one teaching me a specific life lesson. As I delved deeper into each one, with the inimitable Jordan Nadler challenging me to search for bigger meanings and truer truths, I had no choice but to explore areas of myself that I had previously veered away from. I learned to understand my past, to recognize my patterns and my issues, to take a deep look at myself the mirror, torse-nu and under aggressive LED lighting. It was the most gruesome form of self-therapy, and yet, towards the end, I could feel myself arriving at a new kind of clarity. I knew exactly who I was, and I was okay with her. 

In June, three months before the deadline, I went on my first date with Dave, armed with my newfound clarity. For the first time in a very long time (or maybe ever), I allowed myself to just relax, to enjoy, to not overthink it. The book was still a priority, so he couldn’t be, but I also didn’t want to give him the cerebral space I had always given men from the get-go. Granted, there were bouts of insecurity and uncertainty and miscommunication (hell, I wasn’t even sure if the man liked me for about three months!), but, instead of sweeping them under the rug, we talked them through. I don’t know if it was my attitude, or we were simply meant to be, but we soon fell in love. Then we drove cross-county, then we moved in together, and then 2020 happened and the world turned upside down, but the two of us somehow did not. 

So, perhaps, writing this book did not catapult to overnight stardom and allow me to wave a middle finger at the world (then again, I feel like, these days, it’s mostly the world waving a middle finger at all of us). However, it did help me learn who I am, properly grow up, and even meet a person who proved to be one of the main ethos of this blog, and, consequently, the book. There is somebody incredible out there for you – you may just have to kiss a few dozen hipster frogs before you find him.

My book is called Love in Translation and it is coming out in France on September 16th. If you happen to read French, you can peruse an excerpt here and preorder it here. I hope you get as much out of reading it as I did out of writing it. As for the rest of you, I hope that you get to read the English version at some point soon.

I will try to connect with you guys over here on Dbag Dating more regularly, but, in the meantime, you can also follow me on Instagram for shameless plugs and selfies and other millennial entertainment!

xx

Marina