In the age of predator crackdowns and pussy-grabbing presidents, women are adamant about their desire for conscientious men. They want partners who are not threatened by strong females, who are in tune with their emotional selves and are not afraid to talk about their feelings, or cry, or meditate, or whatever.
Or so they think. Clearly, none of them have ever actually been out with a Highly Emotional Male, i.e. the Pink Panther.
A unique opportunity has come our way. Thanks to my innate powers of manipulation persuasion, I have solicited a real live MAN to consult you on your dating woes. And not just to any man, but a Frenchman, the very same one who inspired our recent “A Frenchman Opens Up About Dating in America” tout de force!
Whether he will wreak havoc on your love life with his French cynicism, or reinvigorate it with his candid wisdom (prime example here!), remains to be seen. Regardless, I would like to preliminarily excuse myself from all liability for his advice. Listen discerningly; proceed at your own risk.
Without further ado, please share your romantic woes in the comment section below, DM them on Instagram, or email them to email@example.com.
Editor’s Note: Over the past four years, I have practically made a (pro bono) career of analyzing the French and their laissez-faire stance on everything, dating included. And so, I thought it would only be fair to finally give la parole to one of their representatives – a Frenchman who has spent the past nine years acclimating himself to l’amour à l’Americain. Since he refused to pen down his observations (French people are SO stubborn), I had no choice but to stick a tape recorder under his nose and allowed myself some “creative liberties.”
The First Date
The first thing you learn when you start dating in America is that it truly is a Land of Opportunity. Not because you can make anything out of yourself, not because hard work will take you far in life, but, because, no matter who you are or where you hail from, YOU WILL GO ON MULTIPLE FIRST DATES. You can have the vocabulary of Donald Trump or look like Steve Bannon and Quasimodo’s love child – it doesn’t matter. You are, above all, a DINNER PROVIDER, destined to routinely nourish the female population of this country with overpriced sushi. And so, nourish them you will.
Those seeking a metaphor for the slightly, um, over-the-top attitudes that define our country, need to look no further than Halloween. On the one hand, you have those who spend the entire month of October assembling theatrical Marie Antoinette getups or crafting human-size versions of their favorite tacos. On the other, you have the “sexy” costume for every occupation under the sun, which generally results in a parade of seminude firefighters, doctors, and police officers on the street come October 31. But where does this leave the rest of us, those who still want to be part of the festivities but have long retired DIY projects or packaged pleather? Curious, I decided to source some tips from a people who historically pride themselves on taking a more measured approach to just about everything—food, politics, design—the French.
Over the past few years, select excerpts from my life have followed the below scenario:
- Marina meets boy.
- Boy objectively lacks something Marina is looking for in a partner, be it physical attraction, financial awareness, or a personality that qualifies him to be introduced to her friends (in certain cases, a personality, period).
- Boy really likes Marina.
- Marina is a little insecure and likes it when people like her. After a little effort on his end, she succumbs to his so-called “charms.”
- Boy screws Marina over. Shocked, Marina laments about it on every corner, sprinkling her woes with “But I didn’t like him to begin with!”
The beauty of fashion is its ability to suggest, to inspire, to awaken dormant personas within us. In the aftermath of the Instagram parade that was Paris Fashion Week, let’s take a moment to review some alter ego options designers has to offer us for Spring 2018, rating their datability with a custom Kiss, Marry or Ghost? game!