This is How You Answer Your Hinge Questions

Those Who Can't Do, Teach · by Marina Khorosh

I love Hinge. Actually, that’s an immense overstatement, as I happen to despise all dating apps by definition. Because, at 32 years old, I happen to despise dating. And yet, in an arena of punitive options, Hinge is somewhat of the lesser evil. For uno, the large majority of men seem clean, educated and gainfully employed. For dos, it obligates each user to fill out a set of questions, consequently enabling one to (somewhat) filter out the biggest narcissists and dullards.

The only downfall is that you can answer only three of them, which is quite unfair because of how fun and millennial they are! And so, I decided to utilize this platform to take a swing at a few more. There is no method to the madness, just gut instinct and an inherent penchant for self-sabotage.

(Dear Hinge marketing team, this is a sponsored post. Feel free to send me on vacation to Cartagena.)

I’ll fall for you if

You are moody and ever-so-slightly narcissistic.

What I’d like to know about you

Nothing much. But my mom wants a psychiatric evaluation.

Seeking Answers? Try Asking For Them

Musings of the Mind · by Marina Khorosh

Why isn’t he writing? What if I hadn’t sent that stupid text yesterday? What if I send this brilliant message now? What did he mean by “talk soon”? Why did he send me an emoji of a girl getting a head massage? What does all of this MEAN?!

Rare manipulative geniuses aside, most of us have probably been in this predicament – guessing, speculating, deciphering messages, torturing our friends for probable scenarios – in summary, granting the objects of our affection far more energy than they deserve. Frankly, I could have learned Spanish in the amount of time I’ve wasted on this bullshit.

Well, NOT ANYMORE!

This past fall, a platonic friendship took a brief romantic detour, then quickly reverted to its original format. We never really discussed what had happened, which I was okay with – at first. As time passed and communication got weirder, the vague question mark that had been left hovering over the situation gradually began to sink deeper into the surface of my mind, garnering unprecedented gravitas. Suddenly, I needed to know what had happened. I needed him to like me. I needed to win.

What I’ve Learned in my 30s (Thus Far)

Musings of the Mind · by Marina Khorosh

Le photo by Caroline Owens

Two years ago, I turned thirty, feeling completely on top of my game. I had a new boyfriend who had just gifted me with a fancy trip to Asia. I had friends, family and a studded Wang dress to celebrate in. I had no regrets and enough debaucherous memories to get me through a lifetime of domestic mundanity. I had an exciting new career opportunity. In my mind, all the puzzle pieces were in the palm of my hand and life would easily fall into place.

Since then, I have been through two breakups, one real loss, one real love, sleepless nights, awful dates, amazing trips – enough interchanging light and darkness to make life feel like a damn marinière. Your early thirties are exciting, fascinating, fast – the stakes are higher, the game is more challenging, and there is so much less time to waste on bullshit. The blazing flag of your twenties – assurance – is constantly knocked down by new knowledge and theories, forcing you to evolve. The more you know, the less you really know.

Here are a few things I have on lockdown so far. Forgive me if I change my mind about them tomorrow. Read More

Monster’s Ball: A Trick to Dealing with the A**holes Within

Musings of the Mind · by Marina Khorosh

I will start with the (chronological) end of the story: I recently went through a breakup. It was a tough yet clean-cut, with enough clarity to know that it was the right decision. I dealt with it like somebody who had been through a breakup before (It’s like riding a bicycle! Through hell!) I ran, cried, drank, danced, posted dumb things for attention. I kept a running iPhone note where I recorded all my fleeting thoughts and emotions – which, by the way, seemed to change at supersonic speed. I made conclusions, then made peace with the conclusions. I did the steps.

And yet, there was still something that kept on sabotaging the process. Something disgustingly familiar, telling me that, perhaps, I just hadn’t been enough – pretty enough, smart enough, patient enough – enough to be adored until the golden years. Lo and behold: my Ego had returned.

The Dbag Dating Guide to German Men

Typecasting · by Marina Khorosh

Let’s face it: the mention of German men doesn’t evoke much passion. Never have I seen a friend break into a dreamy smile en route to Berlin, or wax poetic about some German dreamboat she had just men. German men always seem a bit like German food – you’re sure it’s fine, maybe even good, but you don’t consciously seek out to experience it.

This past August, I attended a dinner with about eight tall, handsome German guys. It was a great evening of learning all about raves and DJ culture, debating societal responsibilities, and almost signing up for an Ayahuasca ceremony – the stuff East Berlin is made of. The Germans were friendly and hospitable – and yet, as men, they remained a complete mystery, which made me even more determined to decipher them.

Fast-forward two months, a friend generously offered to connect me with a few expats with extensive German dating experience. I was secretly hoping that I would stumble across breakthrough revelations that would point towards a nation of deep thinkers and closeted romantics – after all, this is the country that once gave us Nietzsche and Beethoven! Alas, my findings were slightly different. Without further ado, here are some key things I learned about the Deutsch.

Matchmaking in the Time of Swiping, ‘Dating Greed’ and #MeToo

Off the Record · by Marina Khorosh

You come home from a first date. You deflate into your couch in a wine-induced haze and begin to process the fact that you have just BURNED through your most valuable commodity – precious, irreversable time – two hours of it, to be exact. You proclaim to your dog / group chat / pillow: “CAN SOMEBODY JUST MANAGE MY LOVE LIFE FOR ME?!”

News flash – somebody can. This somebody happens to be Emily Holmes Hahn of LastFirst Matchmaking, one of the early pioneers of the matchmaking movement and the only person I ever trusted to briefly govern my love life (read all about it here!)

Since I last spoke to Emily two years ago, the world has become a different place – a cultural mishmosh of female empowerment and chauvinistic rebuttal, of communal dating fatigue and a simultaneous quest for genuine human connection. Curiously, matchmaking happens to be on an exponential rise, with more (affluent, time-constrained) individuals choosing to delegate their love lives to the pros. I pinned Emily down to discuss what it’s like to be a love guru in the time of the swiping epidemic, “dating greed” and #MeToo.
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