Today marks the end of NYFW, the week-long party for your Instagram feed that allows you to mentally transport yourself out of winter hibernation mode and into a dynamic time and place where life happens – and, if you are a warm-weather dater like me, where dating happens! To incite some much-needed excitement for the foreseeable future when we are no longer walking human glaciers, your Love Life Guru has curated some of the best date looks spotted on the runways, targeted towards the gentleman of your choosing!
What: The Row Monochromatic Million-Dollar Ensemble.
Wear on a date with: A world leader, or his little sibling.
Why: Because Mary Kate Olsen and Olivia Pope have collectively proven that one can only seduce world leaders in luxe neutrals! (Speaking of which, I just stumbled across something amazing: There’s another Sarkozy brother! And he’s young(er)! And single! (I think!) YOU COULD BE MARY KATE’S SISTERS-IN-LAW!! AND OWN THE ENTIRE THE ROW COLLECTION!!!!!!!!!!) To overlook the fact that none of your female assets are accentuated, it is obligatory to pretend to be French (if I can, you can!) and hence don’t give a rat’s ass about society’s definition of sexy. YOUR INTELLECT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. So does your 10000-ply cashmere.
What: Delpozo Kaleidoscope Dress
Wear on a date with: A conceptual artiste, of courze.
Why: Because you, my dear, look like a concept! Or a puzzle! Or a Rubik’s Cube! Or somebody’s “eccentric” aunt who sprinkles Lithium in her morning coffee, doesn’t eat nightshades, and fornicates according to the moon calendar!
What: Baja East Bare Midriff Situation
Wear on a date with: An unemployment artist from the Bowery Street tribe.
Why: Because you will speak his Language of Cool. Actually, you don’t even have to speak much, as it is my firm belief that the ‘coolest’ peeps are best left mum to preserve an aura of mystery and acumen. Instead, you can just admire each others impeccably curated label game and see who can consume less food, accumulate more Instagram followers, and spell “bae” in more creative ways.
What: Alexander Wang Marijuana Coat
Wear on a date with: Your crack dealer! Or pot dealer! Or budtender!
Why: Because you will look like a walking advertorial for his business and can officially demand that he cuts you a profit. Self-branding is everything! There’s a budding niche in the market.. literally! THE WORLD IS YOUR POT BUD: RUN WITH IT!
(For slow business days, Striptease Sweater from the same collection to the rescue!)
What: Anna Sui Bohemian Rhapsody
Wear on a date with: Standard Burning Man dweller.
Why: Because you are a walking Woodstock revival, i.e. the kryptonite to the Gypsetter’s soul! We are talking kind of man who doesn’t have a billing address but somehow has enough money to always be on an vacation 10,000 kilometers from the Western Hemisphere, while spearheading a Kickstarter campaign for a Brookyn-based ayahuasca brewery! Contenders can be found on Raya, in bulk.
Once he falls in love, he can match his outfit to yours! Vive l’amour!
What: Coach 70’s Gear
Wear on a date with: A male bestie you’re trying to trick into liking you, or at least doing your homework!
Why: Because you have that whole Ali MacGraw Love Story vibe going, evoking images of fallen leaves and college campuses and intellectual debates, while looking perfectly delectable at the same time.
What: Rodarte Fallen Bride
Wear on a date with: A man you want to marry! That very same night!
Why: Because you are clearly ready to head straight for Vegas, before he sobers up and changes his mind!
Warning: You are teetering on a very fine line between goth bride and Miss Havisham of Great Expectations fame. And we all know what happened to her! The same thing that’s going to happen to me!!
All runway images via Vogue Runway.