Fashion Boyfriends, i.e. men dating or married to women in the fashion industry, are like modern-day Army Wives. They stand by their significant others, watching them spend more on furry Gucci slippers than most human beings spend on rent without budging an inch. (Some even bravely pull out their credit cards, although I’m not even advocating that – your vices should be your own financial responsibility!) They listen to conversations that occasionally sound like record players jammed on the word “amazing” without convulsing in pain. They are silent heroes and must be saluted with the same levels of respect. Here’s how to tell them apart.
1. The Fashion Boyfriend is much better dressed than the average male. You can recognize him in a crowd because he’s the one looking like a walking Mr. Porter editorial, Frame denim et al. Keep in mind, he was probably once a New Balance-wearing Average Joe, but then his fashion girlfriend came along and made him see the light that is custom Berluti. A keen example of nurture conquering nature.
2. Not only does he know how to pronounce Balenciaga and Loewe, also knows who the creative director is and which conglomerate owns them. He is interested in the business side of fashion, mainly because this sh*t’s so absurd and an industry that can market $600 furry charms deserves close-up analysis.
3. He knows what constitutes a quality handbag and a well-cut pant. In fact, with each year he becomes more of a snob, guaranteeing that, if you do break up, his next girlfriend will not be able to get away with Desigual.
4. He has worked out an impressive shopping tolerance. You know that guy sitting in the fitting room at Dries, chilling on his phone, occasionally nodding in the direction of print harem pants? That’s our man.
5. Speaking of harem pants, he no longer finds trends offensive. He embraces culottes and even the new reverse-button-downs, realizing that normal does not cool make. (A regular man’s reaction? You got dressed drunk. Or escaped from an insane asylum. Drunk.) His eye has learned how to travel.
6. He has also learned how to use a camera – no, I am not referring to the whole blogger-photographer-pairing phenomenon, but any girl who balls out on Marques’ Almeida occasionally needs to capture an OOTD, because its just that great.
7. He has long given up practical, smart questions (“Do you need that?”) and has come to accept that, if you get married, there needs to be a budget for an extra offspring, i.e. your closet.
8. He’s got Uber on the first page of his iPhone screen. And Lyft. And Get. Because those shoes ain’t made for walkin’ cobblestones, baby.
9. He knows what to do at a fashion party and has learned how to sustain himself through a full conversation about reverse straitjackets without killing himself. I still haven’t, which makes me think that he has simply mastered the fine art of meditation.
10. He secretly kind of enjoys the circus of it, otherwise he wouldn’t be there. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.