NYFW is the New York equivalent of Back to School. Everybody who is a social media anybody spills into the city at the exact same time, eager to show off their Capri tans and cross-reference pictures of their summer flings. The popular girls become more popular, the new cool kids tentatively step onto the scene, and the rest of us peasants just sip on #nyfw branded kale juices and admire the chaos through the sanctuary of the Instagram bleachers. And yet, there is one other often undervalued perk, i.e. the abundance of males that come out to play during this peak season, presumably to ogle the cheerleaders in action. Sitting on the Soho House roof the other day, I became acutely aware that there were more hot men in twenty-meter radius than in all 20 Arrondissements of Paris. Who are they? Where are they from? I felt more confused than Dorothy in the Land of Oz, but I also knew better than to ask too many questions. With only three days of NYFW left, its time to capitalize!
1. Be a damsel in distress.
There I was, sitting in front of Milk Studios on Sunday, texting profanities to my on n’ off ball & chain about our impending Whitney museum visit (apparently, some men are scared of that form of commitment!), when a cute photographer came up and snapped my picture. Noting the violent look on my face, as well as my recently bashed-in kneecap, he suddenly became overcome with real human concern and tentatively inquired about my well-being. Before I knew it, I had almost become a street style star and had made a new friend – a white knight with shining Nikon armor, if you may! Caring is so uncool that beings a nobody is almost in! You heard it here first!
2. Insta-stalk your victims.
I’m telling ya, the cool folks are EVERYWHERE and with the help of modern-day technology, you can be there too! Found out where Gigi Hadid was last spotted, rush there like Aladdin on Citi Bike, and challenge her for fight for Joe Jonas or whoever else entices your teenage fantasies! (Yes, I may have been in America for too long already.)
3. Hit the after party scene hard.
Because you can d*mn well trust me that no self-respecting straight male would be caught ogling pastel bucket bags at the Mansur Gavriel presentation or sipping on Cointreau at Garance Doré Café. After parties, however, are different ballgame. After parties are where the straight men go, looking for the Golden Triangle:
Booze. Models off duty. Kanye.
Basic. Human. Logic.
4. Crash the right shows.
Be strategic and aim for the brands spearheaded by HOT MALE DESIGNERS, which inadvertently leads to HOT MALE FRIENDS OF DESIGNERS. Think boys behind Rag & Bone, Simon Miller, BajaEast, Cocurata and everything else with an art-slash-skater domain. Pretend to be a journalist, stick a tape recorder in their face, question them Amy Odell style, and get their number for “follow-up questions”!
5. Linger around for the trade shows.
The first wonderful thing about trade shows à la Coterie is that they are the commercial endeavors where bullshit suddenly becomes business, leading to an influx of business-minded folks. The second wonderful thing about trade shows is that they are painfully boring and induce acute cabin fever among both exhibitors and attendees, making them all yearn for some fresh faces and Real Talk.
Speaking of which…
6. Read a damn paper.
Business of Fashion doesn’t count. Skimming the NY Times will both feed your cerebral cells and enable you to keep up a conversation way beyond Prabal’s latest collection. (For Insta-douche purposes, you can roll it up into your Mansur Gavriel!) Avoid saying the words podcast, influencer or Snapchat for a full hour, and you will be a miracle, an oracle, a saintly vision with the halo of a brain!
Photo via The Cut.