What’s in a Number?

DBAG DATING WHAT IN A NUMBER

Back when I was in my early twenties and the world was still an innocent place, filled with hope and promise of potential boyfriends-to-be, it was a girl’s due diligence to pay attention to her “Number”. No, I don’t mean the numbers in one’s bank account, or even that on the scale – what I am referring to is the amount of men that one allows themselves to become intimate with. A “good girl” always kept her number around 4, while the more risqué ones edged into the “under 7” territory and usually stopped there.

Those who fell into the 1st Wedding Round and got married around 27 withdrew themselves from the Numbers game, cashing out with their husband as their final digit (at least for the foreseeable future). And then, there were the rest of us, those who did not get married and continued to date in the modern-day sh*tshow of no promises and guarantees. Their Number, previously guarded like a national treasure, continued to grow with each passing year, with even the most selective of women surpassing double-digits and stepping into the realm of what the younger them would have considered indecent and inappropriate.

Personally, it is my firm belief that the Number is nobody’s business but that of its beholder and their gynecologist. With the exception of the more extreme cases, it does not provide an accurate reflection of one’s character, and must not be evaluated out of context of upbringing and relationship history. However, it is inevitable that one will eventually face a situation in when they will be cornered into revealing said Number, to a prospective spouse or somebody along those realms. A potential mathematical genius, I have created a brilliant formula that will allow you to always have an optimal number ready.

(x = Amount of actual partners) 

7 ≤ x => N/A. Tell the truth. 

7 ≤ x ≤ 15 => Divide by 2            

16 ≤ x ≤ 35 => Divide by 3    

36 ≤ x ≤ 50 => Divide by 4

x ≥ 50 => Seek therapy? 

While I am not a proponent of lying, this particular equation actually makes sense. Let’s say that you have slept with a (perfectly reasonable) amount of 14 people, placing you into the second category. A quick divider by 2 will bring you down to a respectable 7, automatically weeding out all the one-night-stands, bad lovers, and “just the tip” situations that you don’t really factor in anyway. Would you consider this lying? Not at all. You are simply “polishing” the truth, bringing it closer to what is your “goal number”, respected by most and comfortable to you. If followed correctly, you almost always guaranteed to end up with a number between 7-10, to which you can season in 2-3 according to taste. (Just don’t lie to your gynecologist – that’s the stuff that gets you into trouble!)

I know, I know – MIT doesn’t know what it’s missing. However, I have committed myself to a far higher pursuit, i.e. blogging about dating douchebags. Sacrifices. 

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