What British Men Can Learn from French Men & Vice Versa

DBAG DATING WHAT BRITISH MEN CAN LEAR ABOUT FRECH MEN

If I had a dollar for every time somebody advised me to go to London, to “find a boyfriend”, I would have money. Real money. (If I had a British pound, I would be rich.) The way people talk, you would think single financiers are lining up at St Pancras by the dozen, eager to give up their signet rings for the first cute girl to step off the Eurostar. 

In an effort to explore this popular notion, not to mention temporarily escape the slightly suffocating ambiance of Paris, I recently started spending more time in London. Upon arrival, I always feel somewhat like a kid at Dylan’s Candy Bar, awed by the overwhelming number of cute boys in suits permeating the streets of Mayfair. These guys seem to combine the best of both worlds, possessing the refinement of Europeans, while still retaining the Anglo-Saxon desire to work and make money. You begin believing that you too, can pull a Bridget Jones, unlocking the mysterious heart of your own Mark Darcy.

However, as you grow to know them better and your tourist goggles begin to lift, you start understanding why poor Bridget kept losing her shit. For, behind their innately gracious manners and polished accents, British men are actually a headache and a half.. The good manners and fancy accents? Just a veil for all their hidden passive-aggressiveness. That “self-deprecating humor” that they are all so proud of? A brilliant method to avoid any sort of honest discussion.

As much as the Brits rip apart the French (which can be so much fun!), they cease to realize that they are actually as frustrating as their archenemies across the Channel. In fact, these are possibly the only male species capable of giving the French a run for their money in their innate ability to make a human yearn to slam their head against a wall.

Always on a mission to make the world a better place, I decided to write a little guide of what these two types of men can learn from one another to become somewhat more tolerable people.

Things British Men Can Learn From the French


1. Speaking their feelings. British men are the most passive-aggressive creatures on the planet. It is in their blood to be polite, and polite they are. They will smile, look you in the eye and say one thing, while thinking exactly the opposite. Personally, this terrifies the shit out of me, making me yearn for the authenticity of the French, who will never hesitate to voice how bitter / angry they really feel about any given situation.

2. A little game. Never did I think I would be using French men as an example of assertiveness, but I suppose everything in life is relative. British men are, for the most part, incapable of making first moves, expecting women to actually approach them. They also like to take their sweet time and keep women hanging for ages – just look at that prince dragging along poor Kate Middleton for eternity, and this is the man who is supposed to set an example! At least the French go after what the want – until they no longer want it, that is.

3. 
The art of drinking. This could just be me, but British guys don’t seem to be able to establish a happy medium when it comes to alcohol. During the day, they walk around with their shiny shoes and fancy cufflinks and polished Rolexes, looking as if somebody stuck a baseball bat up their arses. However,  give them a pub and a pint, and the decades of prep school propriety become barely detectable behind drunken slurs and slightly bigoted comments. Not for nothing, but Latin men are far better at handling their carafes de vin.

Things French Men Can Learn From the Brits

1. All things heath & hygiene. British men smell like humans. They shower and use deodorant (and sometimes even cologne!) They run in parks and frequent gyms and make an effort to refrain from smoking, recognizing it for the dépassé and disgusting habit that it is. Unlike the French, who sometimes seem to hopelessly stuck in the Gainsbourg era, they have moved forward with the times. 

2. Work. This seems like a real concept in London.

3. Money is not a sin. Since British men work (and since England is not a socialist country),  they actually make money, a fact that they are rightfully proud of. That said, British men often like to indulge in extravagant purchases, explaining the number of Porsches and Aston Martins permeating Central London. While certain displays of wealth may be too opulent for my taste, I like the idea of people rewarding themselves for hard work.

3. A little self-deprecation. Although the habit of mocking everything can sometimes get on one’s nerves, it is far better than the French penchant if taking themselves way too seriously. As I said, HAPPY MEDIUM, PEOPLE. 

What else, guys? Seriously, what else?

8 Comments

  • SO accurate.. If I had a Pound for every drunk text I got from a certain bespoke-dressed Brit, I’d have enough to get myself drunk! (the 9 hour time difference to LA makes it a lot less cute when it’s 2pm and your at work)

  • Its just such a juxtaposition to their normal proper selves, isn’t it? Such a good point about the time difference though, I think an article on the topic is in order…

  • Hilarious! I’m married to a Brit, thankfully not from the same crazy specimen as you write about but there are clear cultural differences between us, me the Yank and him the Brit. Your writing is very entertaining for any woman, married or single, well done.

  • Some remarks

    1. French men do use deodorant. It is like the stereotype than French girls do not use deodorants and are hairy… I have no female friends like that.

    2. Work.
    I guess French people try to have a more balance life. We do not live to work, we work to live.

    3. Money is not a sin.
    I guess you are right here. Money is suspicious here. Why are you rich? Have you fooled or used someone for that?
    But you have also to consider that the French people really interesting in money move to London. The salaries are higher there. That is why you do not meet them in Paris. recent study shows that the best school to have a high salary in London are French Grande Ecole (notably Polytechnique and HEC).

    3. A little self-deprecation & so on.
    This is typically Parisian, not French.

    I think you would find your perfect man in the 7th, 8th, 16th or 17th arrondissement de Paris.

    Interesting blog though

    • Ahhh I loved the feedback! See below for my own.

      1. You may be right, but I still remarked a much lower quest for hygiene, particularly as opposed to the germophobe US.
      2. YES and I like that, as long is it doesn’t border on the extreme (i.e. laziness)
      3. That’s a problem with the French system, actually – IF more people were to believe that hard work / entrepreneurship will result in a higher payoff, I believe that the rapport with money would be different.
      4. I never looked in any of these hoods, possibly as I am a hipster-seeking fool. Ah well, my loss 🙂

      Merci encore!!

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