Sorry I have been out of commission people – real life got in the way. (Let’s see how well that whole thing goes.)
In any case, I’m back and eager to feed your brains with completely useless information on this cold Tuesday morning. (If you work in fashion and are creeping towards the finish line that is the end of Fashion Week, this is my way of inspiring you to get excited about life beyond the condemns of Céline!)
As you guys may know by my numerous references, I happen to love Tinder. In fact, I credit this simple, yet instinctively brilliant application for dramatically revolutionizing my love life. Where there used to be bare land, there is now a garden blooming! Up until recently, a garden full of weeds, but a garden nonetheless.
And so today, I would like to give y’all a gardening lesson in form of a Dbag Dating Tinder 101.
1. Swipe right wisely. In our digital times, Tinder is installed on almost every single guy’s smartphone. Just like you wouldn’t give your number to every decent-looking guy on the street, you just don’t swipe right to every guy with a presentable default. Analyze the correct criteria. Is he fully clothed in his photos? Do his pictures have a good balance of solo vs. with friends? Do his friends look normal?
2. Trust your gut. If you think somebody’s cute but you’re not exactly sure why, go for it. You could end up with a great surprise.
3. Don’t be naive. Understand that the majority of guys are not on Tinder for the ultimate purpose of finding a soulmate. They are simply there to have some fun, expand their chick network, and potentially get lucky. I heard that some guys continuously swipe right to maximize the number of women they meet, which doesn’t surprise much. However, for every dbag, there is also a nice guy who is simply having a good time and thinking “Who the hell knows?” And, seriously, who the hell knows.
4. Don’t message first. I know that times have changed and women now have plumper sets of balls than most men, but I still think its best to allow the guy to approach you first. The only problem here is that many people tend to forget about the app and may be completely oblivious to the beautiful e-match brewing in their smartphone. I suggest a Tinder cleanse about once a month – message all the pending boys a simple “HelloJ” and give it 3 days before exiting the conversation.
5. Don’t talk for too long before meeting them. This application is geolocalized, so you don’t have an excuse to drag it on for ages. By prolonging the chat period, you risk getting sucked into a standard case of Virtual Love Syndrome, in which you think a perfect stranger is your future husband to be.
6. Cross reference with your friends. In the end of the day, the degrees of separation on Tinder are very small. If you and your girlfriends are on Tinder, I suggest occasionally swapping phones and checking each other’s new matches. Again, this could save you lots of time and disappointment.
7. For the final screening process, add them on Facebook. Not everybody is a fan of this technique, mainly due to privacy reasons. (I clearly am not familiar with this concept.) However, I highly advise this for time management purposes. A Facebook page tells a story, a story you won’t have to sit in a café for 40 minutes listening to.
8. Start with a one-on-one date. If you feel like you have a chance of actually liking the guy, meet for a coffee alone first. Recently , The Drama Magnet (yes, she is still alive and pumping through Fashion Week like a Dries-clad donkey) and I had the brilliant idea of meeting her new Tinder guy and his buddies out in Pigalle on a Saturday night. You don’t want to begin to imagine the disaster that ensued.
9. If it doesn’t work out, always remember that there is a new one only a few swipes away. TINDER ON, BABY!
If you have any Tinder disasters of your own to share, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org!